“An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything.”
~ Lynn Johnston
When an apology is appropriate, don’t hesitate to give it. The quicker we admit our error and commit to reform, the better for everyone. Especially ourselves.
Be quick with apologies when appropriate
February 7, 2019 | 18 comments
A friend apologised to someone as they left her home .to be told she was the one that had upset them.
When the person spoke of a public figure ,she had raised her voice as she defended the great work the person was doing. Apology without knowing, opened the way for continued friendship
Thank you, Evan!!
Thank you, Evan. It is sad when apologies are not accepted, even if misunderstandings were not intentional, but this seeming void is always filled with divine Love, regardless if someone accepts them or not. Love lives on in our hearts.
Thank u as always, Evan. A person close to me was ruminating about a friend being unfriendly & apparently having taken offense about something. My fiend was upset and he didn’t even know why his friend was angry with him. I convinced him to apologize even though he didn’t know what he’d seemingly done. His friend accepted his apology and their friendship continued until he relocated The right words at the right time are angel thoughts directly from Mind, God
Apologies ? What a loaded topic for me. So glad you added , “when appropriate” and this needs to be emphasized. One of my healings was to stop apologizing . Someone said to me, “Stop being a sorry person.” I learned to not be sorry but to refer to incidents that were less than gracious with things like; “There May be a better way to do that,” or “I discovered you were right about…”. “I’m late” or no comment at all. I lived in a Church members home to help them out as neither of them could drive and needed help with some tasks. We would occasionally get inpatient or irritated with one another. We discovered that these incidents never carried any penalty. In a few moments we would continue with the day’s agenda as if nothing had happened. When they were over they were just over. They never carried any left over resentment or bitterness. We never said, “I’m sorry” or discussed the incident. They just moved on like clouds on a windy day. We had never discussed how to handle disagreements they just seem to come with a built in healing . Neither of us devised any problem solving techniques. Sometimes these quarrelsome moments will just disappear into the nothingness from which they came. I learned not to pick them back up and try to make a past moment right. To this day I often leave moments alone when someone spoke sharply to me or me to them. They seem to resolve them self’s . Next time I see the person there are no issues there. I’m not suggesting you should NEVER apologize but maybe don’t be so quick to always be apologizing.
Mary Baker Eddy gave us a Spiritual interpretation of The Lords Prayer, in Science and Health, with Key tithe Scriptures. I puzzled over the “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors” once when after a very sincere apology to a co worker it was not as well received as I thought it would be. The descriptive statement supporting forgiving is “Love is reflected in love”. At the time I thought it sure didn’t work in that case. In prayer that night I was alerted to the real meaning of forgiveness.. The love we reflect is reflected back by God, not mortal man. I felt better and the next day all was well with the co worker.
My family members always apologized after an outburst and it would quickly relieve the tension. Sometimes it would be “ I Sorry that I hurt your feelings- that wasn’t my intention” or “ “ I’m sorry we misunderstood each other” .
My husband’s family never apologized after an outburst and would go for months before speaking again. The event would never be mentioned but I would sense some mistrust and resentment. An apology takes humility and love- always the better way.
I remember a time when my daughter was treated unfairly by her grandparents. I was not there and my daughter was only following my directions. The situation was complicated by her cousin’s behavior that was upsetting everyone and my daughter was being drawn into the situation.
We talked about it and I told her she did nothing wrong and her grandparents were upset already and didn’t understand. I told her she could stand with the truth but apologize to her grandparents being upset that she stayed with my directions as that was never her intention. We went to the cousin’s house where they were and she apologized for upsetting them. They cried and still did not understand but I think they were impressed with her forthrightness and apology. It was a good lesson for all of us.
It does become easier to apologize when we make a mistake when we know it is ignorance and not who we are.
clarification: it was not my daughter’s intent to upset them.
I really appreciate this blog and all of the comments. I especially like what Ellen said about “love is reflected in love:” “The love we reflect is reflected back by God, not mortal man.” That gives a whole new meaning to that statement.
I’d just like to add that the inspiration that came to me that even if my apology was not accepted by the person to whom it was given, it was accepted by God. We should never give up on apologizing because we are reflecting God.
Another Great Topic, Evan, as you can see, with various ways of looking at Apologies!! Our family never really apologized either, we just went to our rooms and pouted and when we came out, no one mentioned the incident. I have since learned how important it is, For Me, not for others, to Make Amends if I know I have intentionally (or even unintentionally) hurt someone. Amends are For Me.,….it’s my way of “taking care of my side of the street”. It takes a High Level of Self Esteem to admit that I am Wrong…. to Myself, to God and to the Person I have hurt. It doesn’t matter if they accept the Amends or not…..I can’t control that. Also, Amends are different than Apologies. Amends are more than just saying, “Sorry!” – it’s also a commitment to myself and to the other person to not behave that way again.
P.S. Right On, Charla! The other side of NOT Making Amends is Always feeling like you have to apologize for Everything…..even when it’s not really even your fault. It comes down to almost Apologizing for just Being Alive. That is what a Codependent person does because they have low Self-Esteem. We can have the courage to wait and not just quickly Apologize to smooth things over. That is not acting with Integrity. Let someone else see their mistake and Apologize to you, if they have the good Grace to do so. And if they don’t…..Oh Well, that’s their loss – you can still go right on claiming your Innocence and choosing how much time you may want to spend with that person in the future. We train people how to treat us!
Thank you Bevi, I was concerned that what I was attempting to say may be misunderstood. I didn’t apologize for it though as I realized people would either “get it” or not. In this relationship the squabbles or irritations seemed to have come with a built in healing component – must have been a God Thing!!! Charla
Very important topic – and very helpful comments – particularly being careful not to keep apologising, and always feeling one is in the wrong all the time. If I have said something hastily without thinking that has upset someone, I always think of a phrase that I have used on many occasions for myself. “When error speaks, nothing has been said.” (I don’t know where it comes from.) This must be the case anyway, because God is the source of our thoughts and gives them to us to speak in His Name -, and He never needs to apologise. This helps me with making an apology. I also prayerfully think about that phrase for everything that does not come from God’s loving kindness, in the news, or in any situation. Condemning ourselves or our fellow man is h=not helpful.
Perfect timing of this subject for many of us!
Thank you for today’s topic Evan.
I did not expect that it brings forth so various inspiring ideas. Thank you all for your insightfull comments. All your explanations are very interesting. ☺
this is funny. sometimes I apologize to my husband…I’ll say I’m sorry I said that this morning …it was mean. And he’ll say what do you mean? And I’ll repeat what I said. And he’ll say oh I didn’t take that as mean. And I’ll say Well I meant it as mean! And then we laugh. He doesn’t barb the arrow. He literally doesn’t take offense…even when I mean him to! He is a rare person and I am NOT like that but I am sharing it bc isn’t it a beautiful quality. Yes practice humility and have the strength to admit wrong and want to make things right. But also try to adopt this kind of unflappableness…dont take offense ! It’s one of the reasons our marriage is strong is he doesn’t allow fights or arguments to fester or matter!