It was a shock in the middle of the night.
While in bed, my wife jerked a bit, and Wham-o, socked me in the side with a swift right jab. It caught me without warning, woke me up pronto, and elicited a confused, “Ow!!”
She awoke, realized what she had done, hugged me and said, “Oh sorry, honey. I was being attacked.” She was dreaming. We both laughed. I quickly recuperated, and the incident was put behind.
I stayed awake thinking about other times in life when similar circumstances occur and we put the blame in the wrong place, fail to forgive, and become victimized by unnecessary hard feelings.
For instance, has a co-worker ever lashed out at you unprovoked and left you wondering, “What the heck was that about?” And later you discovered they were fighting with their spouse? Or has a teenager come home grumpy and insular and you later learned they were having a hard time in school?
When people get in bad moods and suffer from internal struggles, they might act unpleasant toward others, not necessarily with intention, but because they’re in a dream state. This is no excuse, of course, but it helps us to know what is happening so we can respond in a healing way.
If we take every offense personally, when it isn’t meant to be personal at all, we’re going to allow resentment and ill will to build in thought and make our life miserable. But if we can see the other person is suffering from a dream and needs help to wake up, our approach will be much different, and leads to healing rather than heightened discord.
When Kathy socked me, it was easy to forgive her because I knew she meant no ill toward me and would never hurt me, even if it felt like it for a moment. Our relationship was easily preserved.
But can’t we learn to do the same with our neighbor? To see them as a loving child of God, too, and give them the benefit of the doubt that evil they express is not true to their nature? It’s the effect of a dream they need to be awakened from. And it should not be taken personally.
Evil has to be exposed and destroyed, but when we impersonalize the evil and respond with love, the final effect will be much better for us and for them.
We might be taken by surprise on occasion, but we can quickly get over it, forgive, love back, and be a healing presence.
An added benefit is that the free-will love you show toward others will come back to you when you happen to be the one that gives the swift right jab out of nowhere unintentionally.
This resonates with a short article I read some months back in a Christian Science Sentinel where a husband shared his amazing healing response when his wife was murdered in their home in the course of a robbery. He quickly perceived this violent act was not personally directed at his wife or him, but expressed the belief in an absence of love. This discernment spared him prolonged anguish and even led him to volunteer in prisons.
I’ve pondered how I can move beyond associating any failing or unloveliness with those I live and work with…. or with myself. What you shared today nudges me closer to this ideal.. to see how to aid in the destruction of the evil by disassociating it from the individual, who needs to feel worthy and loved. I enjoy the quotes, videos and reflections you share here.
Dear Nancy Boyer-Rechlin; Could you supply me The name of the article you read in the CSS and the date about the man whose wife was murdered?
Nice story — reminds me of Eckhardt Tolle talking about the “pain body” which is all the built up disappointments and anger and fear (read animal magnetism) from the past, that can get unleashed on innocent bystanders if we’re caught in that dream. Thanks evan for the reminder.
I try hard not to have ill feelings towards anyone . If I do that is my warning. Where I do feel vulnerable is when it comes to politics. I find myself screaming “liar” at my tv. I know I am doing the wrong thing but can’t stop! I need to know that God has my back and He is in control! Maybe I’ll start screaming :”God is the only Power!”
Many Years while I was a Law enforcement officer I would engage in many incidents where I had control the persons being arrested. We did not have teasers and had experienced the use of mace later on in my career. It was hard to express the love for the criminal and had I been an active Christian Scientist, I could have seen these individuals as God’s children and with that thought process I might have had an easier time. Most of these times I had to use physical force which became unpleasant for both parties.
I became more active in church work doing my career and then major experiences were controlled by my turning to God before before the incidents got out of control and I would use an alternate means to having my members approach these situations with more reasonable care. In many cases both groups would be able to approach the true need for avoiding confrontation.
This piece is very true and helpful.
Dear Tony,
the article I referred to in my comment above was by Richard Johnsrud, titled “In the Wake of Tragedy,” published in the May 20, 2013 Sentinel.
Happy to share.
Opps! I mean “Dear Tobias!” not “Tony”. Apologies. I always enjoy reading your comments on church discussion forums, too.