Have you ever resorted to anger to get your point across to another person? Perhaps significantly raised the volume of your voice and edginess of your tone to emphasize a message to a child? Ever gotten into an ugly argument with a teenager, spouse or co-worker?

Heated anger can feel so justified to the mind that is embroiled in hate, ill-will, resentment, and self-righteousness. It can feel so “right” to the mind that feels it has to “get it all out.” It even feels normal to people who are used to being angry on a regular basis. But it is not normal, definitely not natural, and rarely justified.

There’s one kind of anger that is not out of place at times—fury at the evils of mortal mind such as at dishonesty, deception, destructive sin, and their kin. But this is not the kind of anger I’m writing about.

I’m thinking about the anger that gets directed at people, rather than at vice.

Talk show hosts targeting specific individuals, leaders, and politicians with venom is one example. Workers at the office seeking vengeance, assassinating the character of a co-worker, or yelling at an underling or peer are others.

It’s important that we defend our thinking from exposure to outbreaks of anger viewed and seen in society. It’s not representative behavior to emulate or model.

God created us beings of love. It’s our God-given nature to see the good in another, honor that goodness, voice acknowledgment of it and show our respect for it with appreciation, care and gratitude.

Anger is not a healthy motivator of good deeds.

I’ve noticed this in raising teenagers.

More than once I’ve been tempted to get mad about something our teens have done, or not done, but in every case, I’ve learned that getting angry does not help. It might kick-jump the errant into rectifying the immediate mistake, but it doesn’t inspire them into long-run reformation. It makes them mad. And when they’re mad, they don’t think in terms of how they can be better individuals, do the right thing next time and avoid the mistake to begin with. They ruminate over how unjustly they’ve been treated,–at least from their point of view,–how their parents are not fair to them, don’t understand them, and are hard to get along with. And so, I long ago came to the conclusion that anger is not a positive motivator of long term good behavior. It’s destructive to happy and healthy relationships between two people, especially between parent and child.

Love and understanding is the motivator of good behavior.

Love inspires people to think better, acknowledge their mistakes, want to rectify them, and do a better job next time. Love opens mental doors to new possibilities, the very doors that anger would close. Love finds ways to get along with people. Anger burns bridges. Love looks for the good in another and capitalizes on it. Anger sees only evil and becomes a victim to it. Love figures out a solution agreeable to both sides. Blinded by its own self-righteousness and pride, anger doesn’t see another side to consider, even when it should. Love is the lubricant that keeps discussion going in a constructive direction. Anger is the brick wall that halts progress. Love finds a way. Love inspires a better way. Love works it out.

It’s totally doable to love without anger. It’s our God-given nature, and it bodes us well when actively indulged.