I never worried about being an empty-nester until our second and last child left home for college two years ago. The house felt different! In fact, it felt very different. It was a whole lot quieter.
With no children in the house, there was less activity. Not so much coming and going with friends and buddies practicing their music, borrowing equipment and catching up on the news.
It was my wife and me. And honestly, that was nice. We found more time to go out on our own and talk to each other. And that was healthy.
But the house just wasn’t the same. For 21 years, it had been a hub-bub of activity day in and day out. No let up, really, until now. And I wasn’t sure I was comfortable with it.
Hmmmm…will life ever be the same?
It’s been a couple of years now, and life is not the same. It’s better!
What I’ve learned in my prayers for peace about the children moving out is that raising a family never stops. It just changes forms.
We watched the children closely when they were home, and now we watch them from afar. But the love that unites us is as close as ever. Our family “nest,” is no longer a house in Richland, but the whole world of opportunity they have yet to explore and discover. And my wife and I relish the opportunity to keep supporting them in ways that are appropriate to help them experience that world and find their niche in it. And we can do that, even when 3000 miles away.
So, I’ve begun to see that there is no empty-nest. The nest just keeps getting bigger. The blessing of family love is without limit. It doesn’t grow up and move away. It enlarges its borders and includes more.
Our physical house is still quieter than before, but my wife and I have easily adjusted. We seem to keep very busy with much productive and worthwhile activity. And we enjoy keeping up on our kid’s progress and helping out where we can.
Our family has not grown apart. It has grown closer. And this is because there is no distance in divine Love. There is no space in divine Mind. When we let go of limited concepts of what our family activity should look like, we see new potential, adjust accordingly, and experience expanded possibilities. A family united in Love never grows apart.
Thanks alot for sharing this ideas. I know already this challenge..can be sometimes appear as a hard (and heartbreaking) process…but I also felt the big freedom by realizing this “growing bigger” and never being apart from Love. This Love stays and will never disappear. All the activities and the “romp living” was only one kind to express this Love. It has ready countless new opportunities for us to discover. “The house of our Lord (the divne Love)” is inside our hearts and humanly worldwide to experience…
As an empty nester as of last year, this easily resonated with me. With my children traveling, studying in college, and simply finding their way in life, I find my days spent closer to God. Hours spent in my gardens and looking forward to my husband coming home are a sweet simplicity that I’m cherishing. I do look forward to all of us being together and looking into each other’s eyes with no distractions. I’m growing in my understanding of Divine Love and I am filled with gratitude for SpiritView!
I really appreciate this. As one who has been very close to my grandchildren, I feel the empty nest with them away. I stay connected, but this spiritual message is one I will dwell on. Thank you, Evan.
The freedom that comes when the kids grow up and make their own lives completely frees me to study C/S and receive thoughts that heal worlds apart. One can’t do that as well when bogged down with so many material things like bringing up children to also follow Principle.
Tobias, there is no time or special condition which can apart us from God and his eternal Love and care. Being witness as parents to children’s development, which is in fact the unfolding of God’s pure ideas in our human experience is far away from being “bogged down with so many material things”. Our family made big progress as class instruction, church membership and had many many wonderful healings, when all our six little “bouncing” children were still at home…
One of the things that helped me when my daughter moved out was realizing that though she had moved, the love between us was still here with my husband and I, and with her, wherever she went, because the source of that love had always been God, and God hasn’t gone anywhere. When I really missed her company, I reasoned that it was right and good for her to live an independent life, so how could something right and good, leave me feeling empty or sad? At first, this felt like intellectual reasoning, but eventually it became a heartfelt conviction and I no longer struggle with feelings of sadness and honestly love the time I have to do many things, especially the time I have to study and get to know God better.
I love how you pointed out that “there is no empty-nest. The nest just keeps getting bigger.” To me, that goes along with this statement by Mrs. Eddy (Science and Health 430:6-7): “Faith should enlarge its borders and strengthen its base
by resting upon Spirit instead of matter.”
When sending our children out to take up their adult lives, they and we benefit from resting in the knowledge that their Father-Mother God has upheld them since before we even knew them, and will continue to do so forever.
Also, since I have a tendency to be reclusive, I have found that substituting the word “Love” for “Faith” in the above quote has helped me to enlarge my borders by seeing others as spiritual reflections of good rather than as people to avoid interacting with. Blessings of friendship and wonderful new family members have followed.
I’m learning to think of “family” in a broader perspective. For example, my mother and sister live in a different state. But next door are a woman and her adult daughter that I’ve established a mother-like and sister-like relationship with. The entire matter-based family paradigm is so limiting. Spiritual speaking we are all family!