A teenager recently asked me, “How do you know when someone is truly a friend and not just taking advantage of your generosity?”
It was a good question, and I didn’t have all the answers. But one lesson I’ve learned from experience is that a true friend is someone you can trust.
A true friend does not put on airs to pretend on the outside but think something entirely different on the inside.
A friend does not fake a smile and put on a happy face when they are upset and struggling to work something out.
A friend does not say one thing and do another.
A friend does not ask for help all the time and not give back.
A true friendship is a giving and taking, a sharing and caring relationship. What one gives, the other may not return in the same way, but the blessing offered will come back in some way that blesses the relationship.
Good friends are loyal. They stick with you through the hard times and through the good times.
Friends who care show it.
Friends are honest. They feel free to share comments that might not be warm and comforting all the time, but true friends understand this. They know that they can share uncomfortable thoughts freely and not be rebuffed, criticized or ripped into. They will be thoughtfully considered.
Friends are never in competition with each other. It’s never “me vs. you.” It’s always “us.”
Friends like to know each other’s inner thoughts. Friends like to participate in each other’s experiences, bright and not so bright. Friends like to make a positive difference in each other’s lives.
True friendship is based on divine Love. The deeper the genuine love expressed both ways, the deeper the friendship.
Not everyone needs to be a friend. That’s perfectly fine! There are many different levels of friendship. Some people are casual friends, other business friends, others personal friends, and others life-long friends that no amount of time or space can separate.
And then there is our eternal Friend, God. God’s love and care is forever, no matter what happens temporarily.
“Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?” Proverbs
The truly reliable friend is the trustworthy friend, the one who has nothing to hide, is outright honest, doesn’t say yes when he means no, doesn’t make one feel uncomfortable to be around, is generous, kind, compassionate and caring. The true friend is a loyal reflection of divine Love.
What would you say to a teenager wondering how to tell a true friend?
Hmmmm…. I can’t think of anything to say to improve on this! This is good.
Thanks friend.
This is so true .. many couples never take the time to become friends before they become lovers then husbands and wives. They miss out. Friends are nearly always better than family…(true friends).
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I sent this to all my true friends because it fit so well – we are all different ages, different religions, etc. and have received back comments that this is truly what true friendship is about. Thank you for this wonderful reminder
well these are of course the best one can hope for as qualities in a friend. Im just wondering how someone would apply this to living in asia,specifically JAPAN, as it seems to be the CULTURAL WAY or NORM here NOT to be HONEST or DIRECT with your thoughts and feelings, at least maybe i should say,in business or with people you dont know as freinds…but it does seem to spill over to freindship…there seems to be a facade of positive cherrie ness here, and culturally discouraged to be open about your inner thoughts…again..maybe that is more for business or people you dont know so well personaly…but i seems to be always hanging in the air and their seems to be an atmosphere of expection to act and to receive this treatment. Like how was that food? oishi they always say, its delicious…even when its not, so as not to offend anyone….[thre are of course always the exceptions to this general rule in this culuture,but those folks can get shunned for being too direct, in there jobs and their personal lives too].Japanese people talk about how tiring it is to maintain this facade.
Any thoughts on approaching this SEEMING culutral approval to lie your face off? its frustrating, and i give into it to maintain my satus quo especually when looking for work, which im now doing. its frustrating cause you are never sure of the Turth of what a company thinks of your work.They could tell you to your face that your a very good skilled english teacher, but then you dont get re-hired next year, and you dont know why. Anywho im going off on a tangent.chow for now.
To above,
Oh that’s interesting about other cultures. I do not have experience so am careful to comment about that. But from what you describe it sounds like a need to be extra honest yourself with yourself. So if someone says, “You’re a great teacher,” you can’t rely upon the comment to know whether you’re great or not, you have to go to God yourself, be honest with yourself and decide if you’ve been teaching up to your potential and truly exhibiting “great teacher” qualities.
Jesus didn’t look to others for approval or their opinion. He was guided by moral and spiritual principles.
I don’t know if that helps, but maybe it’s a start?