My son Tyler graduated from high school last week. Yay! Two down, none more to go…from high school anyway…
While sitting in the stands during the graduation ceremony, I bubbled over with gratitude for all the spiritual blessings and lessons learned I saw in that young man, sitting down in a chair on the arena floor with over 300 other graduating seniors.
Oh, so many lessons learned over the years…
And I believe one of the biggest lessons I learned as my wife and I raised our two teens, is the value of seeing that they were whole complete beings long before I knew anything about them.
Raising children had become “raising consciousness,” for me—raising my thought to see what God had put in their individuality from the beginning.
Years ago, I began to see that when conflict rose between me and one of our teens, it was often because I was trying to change them, modify their behavior or expect them to do things “my way.”
Now, there certainly were times when their behavior did need to be modified! But it was my approach that made all the difference.
If I saw them as wrong, ignorant, in deep trouble, and needing me to “shape them up,” I’d get a negative reaction. They would get angry, upset, maybe even shut their thought down to listening to anything I had to say, no matter how right I was…LOL
But if I saw them as God-endowed with the capacity to think right, reason right, act morally and spiritually, want to do the right thing, able to do the right thing, as open-minded, and receptive to better ways of doing things, and tuned into God’s direction on whatever the issue was, the response was much more positive. They would rise to the good I saw in them. And our conversations and dialogue would produce much better results.
In Truth, every teen is a perfect thinker and doer in God’s image. And for parents, there’s the key point! Are you seeing God’s image or something less?
Go for the higher! They’ll rise right up to it along with you.
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| Mom, Tyler, and Dad! |
Evan, congratulations to your family on Tyler’s graduation! I read a wonderful article in the July Christian Science Journal about what a waste of time it is to be examining, commenting on, etc. the counterfeit man (that man/woman/child which appears to material sense), but that our calling is to tune into the real man, the true identity of our family, friends, and all mankind. Perfect complement to what you are saying here. Thanks ever so much!
Thank you for your very helpful thoughts. What a good reminder when talking with my elementary school-aged kids to start with a a spiritual approach.
Dear Evan – Thank you for the post, sharing your life’s example in beholding a perfect Man in your son. In family, many times, mortal, material sense of each other can creep in (e.g., he is MY son, rather than being a God’s own son, image and likeness – a sense of possession, ownership). It’s a day-to-day practice. So much to give, so much to receive. Much love and respect to you, Thank you.
Wonderful advice for parents and your family is beautiful. Thank you!
Amen! It even applies when dealing with “adults”!! Congratulations to the Mehlenbacher family
Hugs,
Patty
Congratulations, Tyler!! There is so much good ahead for you. Your growth,from now on, will be exciting and challenging.
Evan, your thoughts on raising teenagers is wonderful. I have found that “letting go” is, sometimes, the greatest challenge we have, not only when they are “young”, but also when they reach adulthood. But they are such a joy, “always”.
Raising children is raising consciousness – thank you Evan, this is brilliant and immediately practical. I really appreciate your blog.
THANKS EVAN!!! I too have my last one graduating and didn’t quite come to the standard that you held while mine were growing up. Wrestled with concern and some fear and DID have arguments sometimes. I’m just recently seeing the need for me to knuckle down and do the work wholeheartedly to hold the child of God’s creating ever in my thought rather than a flawed mortal. Your post was a God timed gift as I start this journey and I am so grateful! Love to you for being such a blessing to your brothers and sisters!!!It’s never too late to raise your thought!
You are right on, Evan. I owe my experience with teens through the 60’s and 70’s all to my study and listening to God. the results were a teacher and two engineers.