If you have children, spend time with them!

Now that my children are older, 16 and 20 this month, I’m seeing the payoff from paying attention to their lives as they grew up.

Years ago, one of my greatest fears as a dad was not spending enough time with my kids. I saw movies that illustrated the horrors of the dad that neglected his children because he was so busy at the office, and then suffer dearly in later years when his kids got into trouble, made bad moral decisions and did poorly in school. And I’d say, “I hope that never happens to me.” It was a partial concern for me because I work so hard in my profession too. I love my work.

But, I love my family too…

So, it has been a constant prayer to find a balance between my work life and my home life and do justice to both.

One rule I’ve learned is to pay constant attention to what it going on in my kid’s lives. Don’t take things for granted. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking everything must be going well because he or she didn’t walk into my office and tell me something is wrong. No go…it doesn’t work that way. They won’t tell you what is going wrong. They often struggle on their own, in private, and try to work it out themselves.

The purpose of a parent is to be there for their children, to help them sort out the issues, to figure out right from wrong, to give them a strong moral and spiritual basis on which to make sound decisions. A parent has to be in the discussion to be part of the outcome. And that’s where it takes time spent with the child to make it happen. You can’t do it from a distance.

I have lots to learn…and surely can learn much from other experienced parents…but one lesson I’ve learned is that dinner time can be the most important family time of the day.

My wife and I started a ritual several years ago when we noticed our teens were missing dinner with us because of all the school activities they were involved with. We were losing track of what was going on in their lives. So we made an informal rule, that as much as possible, we eat dinner together. Simple as that. And then we work to create an atmosphere around the table of goodwill, caring and sharing that allows the kids to open up and share with us what is happening in their day.

It takes work. I don’t know about you, but it seems like they have one word in their vocabulary when you ask, “How did your day go?” “Good,” is the typical reply, and then dead silence! Whew…I’m telling you, to break through that one-word-close-the-door on further discussion has been a challenge to break through. But I know we’re not the only ones.

Yesterday, I was walking through the Albertson’s parking lot and a dad got out of his car with his son, and then asked his son, “How did your day go?” “Good,” was the automatic reply, and then end of discussion. Dad looked chagrined. I chuckled.

Mary Baker Eddy wrote wisely,

Is not the propagation of the human species a greater responsibility, a more solemn charge, than the culture of your garden or the raising of stock to increase your flocks and herds?

It takes work to raise children. It takes time spent with them, listening to them, discussing issues of their lives with them, teaching them moral and spiritual rules to live by to do it right. They need guidance, they need help, and they need love, care and attention. It’s the parent’s job to do this. And good parents follow through.

More tomorrow…