Here are some wise words that, if heeded, would bring much greater harmony to all relationships.
“Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out.”
Think about the effect you have on others
July 29, 2015 | 7 comments
Thanks! It occurred to me a few years ago that, generally, others are as sensitive as I am. I’d been somehow thinking no one else was – or else why would they treat me in an insensitive way, was my thought. I finally realized, no one is humanly perfect! People can’t know how I feel unless I tell them. I can’t expect others to read my thoughts and know the effect they have!
I’ve prayed and studied a lot about not taking offense, especially with MBE’s article “Taking Offense.” A side note is, I’ve found when I’m secure in my identity as God’s beloved child, it’s easy not to be offended. That works into forgiveness too. I’m planning to write that idea into an article for the periodicals soon.
Getting back to the topic, is my effect on others when I do try to communicate that something bothers me. It’s taken a while to learn to do that while taking into account the effect my words have on them, but I’m almost there! I’ve been a learn by doing person, rather than think it all out first, so through trial and error I’m learning. Keeping in mind the Golden Rule (which basically is what this topic is), I’m working to remember that if I express my upset at something someone else says or does in a manner that does the same to them, it’s not effective and can make things worse. It’s always important to consider your effect on others!
Having violated this many times in my life growing up as a brash young man, I can honestly say that this is a wonderful way to unfold into a God directed spiritual life. To me this is like preparing the soil for a fertile experience in quality sharing through loving-kindness.
I have a situation where it is hard to ignore such rude, arrogant behavior at times at my job. But I read something in the Journal about a woman having such a situation. She was focused on something else but the outcome of that situation shed light on the problem she was having with a group of people. What she saw was all she needed to be focused on was Divine Mind and what Divine Mind was saying to her. I keep this thought close to me as I go through my day.
I ask myself, Where do you want to live?
Evan, you’ve done it again. I am trying, and it’s not easy given our mortal side; “How dare you speak to me that way.” And by trying I am finding how effective it is
What a lovely suggestion. I’d say “reminder” but as obvious as it should be, the thought never occurred to me. “…To bring out the best in others in a conversation…” I don’t go around putting people down, but I often listen with an ear to what I’m going to say next, rather than fully appreciating what others are saying. How much we can learn!
Thanks Evan and Ellen. Obviously listening for God’s guidance of how to respond (or not) to a situation when someone is offensive is the best way, and, if I am not quick enough or listening enough for that guidance I start by saying something like ” I want to share with you my experience of you when………….” It actually startles them (mortal mind) , it can make the person think a bit more deeply of what they have said or done. I realize this is a human intervention.
Thank Evan, this is so in human relationships. But I think following the Golden Rule can certainly help in most situations. We have hymn in the Christian ScienceHymnal that says, “Speak gently, let no harsh word mar The good we may do here. Speak gently to the erring ones, they must have toiled in vain; Per-chance unkindness made them so ; O win them back again.” I think of these words often when speaking to others.