Transforming the bully

March 4, 2021 | 28 comments

Have you ever been bullied by another person? Felt helpless about what to do?

Here’s a short story from a friend who was bullied and explains how she dealt with it spiritually. She gave me permission to share her story.

I’ve been working through a very manipulative and difficult relationship with a close friend.

Three months ago, we were taking a class together and she was full bore into criticizing me, putting me down in front of others, using emotional manipulation and humor that was fully at my expense. This type of behavior has been bad before, but this meanness was crazy accelerated.

I was praying my way through it when I had this giant moment of spiritual realization. I thought, “Wait a minute – you’ve been praying about the wrong thing!” I had been praying for ideas on how to stand up to and defend myself against the bullying. But I realized that this was an opportunity to see the innocent child of God there instead of a bully.

As I prayed from this point of view, I gained a pure sense of her being what God made her to be, rather than the mean person mortal mind was claiming her to be.

And guess what? The cruelty stopped! It not only stopped that day and that minute but has stayed gone for the last couple of months. She has been completely different since that day.

I’ve been more on my spiritual alert since. If I see any hint of that old stuff starting to resurface, I make a quick mental adjustment of how I see her, and it has stopped.

It’s a simple, but inspiring story. Who hasn’t faced a bully and wrestled with similar feelings of, “What to do?”

If we ever deal with a bully, we can make the same type of mental adjustment that this woman did.

The real bully is not a person, but the evil thoughts that parade as a bully in a person. Those evil thoughts are shut down in mind by spiritual truth. As the bully thoughts dissolve, the bully behavior vanishes.

Prayer is an effective means of getting rid of bullies. It dissolves bully thoughts with truth and love, and eliminates the source of bully actions. Character is transformed, and enemies are turned into friends.

We are never helpless in the face of the bully. We can master them through metaphysical means.

28 thoughts on “Transforming the bully”

  1. Thank you for sharing this graphic demonstration of Mind’s omniaction. The material sense of man is the bully, the robber of peace, the manipulator, the thief of time, possessions etc. We can trustingly let Truth pursue, overtake and arrest the lie about God.

  2. Outwitted

    by Edwin Markham
    HE DREW a circle that shut me out—
    Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
    But Love and I had the wit to win:
    We drew a circle that took him in!

    Sent before, but it fits.
    I like how F included any error. That is
    where almost 100% of our bullying takes
    We then become the him, taken into the
    circle of divine Love, where, “LOVE alone
    is life.

  3. Many times over the years I have had to stop and remind myself that any comment or action that has seemed hurtful to me must be denied as real to let in the truth of the perpetual God given qualities of an individual. So I deny personality and replace it with how Gods expresses himself.
    Great!, but this morning I read this having told my husband off for not remembering where I wanted a new bird feeder to be positioned in the garden…so I guess today Evan and everyone , I have to take it on the chin and look at myself as the starting point for a little more kindness and humility.
    The bird feeder looks lovely and I have learnt a lesson today. ❣️

    1. Thank you, dear Barbara… as I was reading the experience Evan was telling, I was thinking, “What if I’m the bully?” Sometimes I hear myself in the middle of a rant and wonder if I’ll EVER be free of the harmful tendency to be critical, angry, impatient, losing my poise and self-control. Then comes the feelings of shame and remorse. I can’t seem to feel fully associated/identified with and embraced by the Love and Truth I study every day enough to have that transformation. I know plenty of the letter… I NEED the Spirit. It’s been a lifelong struggle and exhausting.

      1. Bless your C. My heart goes out to you. We are all striving to be more alert and conscious of our thought by exercising our spiritual sense–our conscious, constant capacity to know God, Love. I was lead recently to read a short little book called “The Greatest Thing in the World” by Henry Drummond, published in 1884. It’s a practical explanation of I Corininthians 13 “the greatest of these is love”, and going through each part of the verse, showing how to get a hold of un-God like thoughts. It dovetails sweetly with what we learn in CS. I have found it very helpful.

          1. I found my copy and opened to a post it note with the words “Let your gentle spirit be known to all men.” Phil. 4:5. The word LET has been whispered to me a lot lately. Maybe I should listen. ❤️

        1. I found a youtube video in which the text of “The Greatest Thing in the World” is read aloud with the words showing on screen (video is 7 min. long). It was posted by the Christian Science Church of Plainfield, NJ. Thanks again L for the suggestion. Here’s the link.

          1. Thank you, Rose, for the link. I just listened to it. FYI, for those not familiar with this book, what is read here is only the introduction. The rest of the book is definitely worth reading, really gets to the heart of examing our thought in light of I Corinthians 13.

    2. Thank you to Barbara, C and L. I also have been working to see through the lies that say I can act in a bullying way towards my husband and be judgmental and critical of him. I heard it said that nagging is a form of bullying. If that is so then I have much learning and growing to do in this area, to see myself and my husband as we truly are, as God sees us. L, I will look for the book you recommended. C, I relate to what you said about feeling remorse after a rant. And I pray to let my gentle spirit be know to my husband and to see his gentle spirit and be free of judging. Blessings and love as we grow in grace and understanding.

      1. Thank you C, L and Rose for your comments. It’s so easy to think that it’s others who ‘bully’ and not ourselves. I wonder if I would even have questioned myself if Evan hadn’t introduced this topic today. I’d like to think that it was definitely something I needed highlighted in my experience. It reminds me of the quote that we should remove the ‘mote ‘from our on eye before accusing others. And of course there was the proposed stoning of the adulterous women whom Jesus brought attention to by saying only those who had not committed any sin could condemn her. Perhaps somewhat more serious than my outburst but error is error and we must acknowledge and destroy it .I’m so grateful for the teachings of Mrs Eddy and how we must demonstrate the Christ in our daily experiences. Love is inexhaustible, eternal and ours to have and to share.

  4. I just remembered a time when our family was
    bullied. I received a phone call when our oldest daughter was 7.
    The person said, if you want to see your daughter again, stay on the line. I did because I could hear
    background noise of a gas station. Finally I realized
    she was still in school, so I hung up.
    This went on for six years.
    My husband and I were in Europe for business for
    a week and my my mother-in-law received eleven
    This was before the police could trace the calls.
    We had been praying about the situation, and
    when I received another call, I said, I don’t
    think you really want to be this type of person.
    We never received another call.

  5. And another subtle form of bullying has just come to light from reading “Transforming the bully.” A girlfriend emailed me the other day saying our friendship is over because I don’t keep in contact with her enough (through this pandemic we’ve only been emailing), that “it’s a two way street” … !!
    I’ve apologized. I always answered her emails and commented and shared anything from my life I thought might be interesting … .
    Your article is at the right time … I will now pray knowing, “this was an opportunity to see the innocent child of God …!”
    Thank you both for sharing 🙂

  6. Thank you! Powerful message! I remember when I was 17 and a freshman in college. Suddenly I found I was the target of bullying from an entire fraternity pledge class!! I didn’t know any of the boys who each day found many opportunities to ridicule me, call me names, and use hand signs I didn’t even understand to make my life miserable. I went to my own sorority leaders to ask that they intervene. They said they could do nothing. I even had a meeting that turned into a shouting match with the pledge leader, Hal, who was orchestrating this abuse, and his assistant. It ended in tears on my part and more laughing and insults on theirs. I was beside myself after several months of this unrelenting bullying. In my room, I reached out to God with all my heart and asked my Father-Mother what I could possibly know and do to end this abuse. The answer came in the form of a question: “Can you see him walk down the hall?” I answered yes. God said, “Then he reflects Life. Be grateful for that each time you see him.” Wow! I was so grateful for that divine guidance! I knew I could do that and felt I was on solid ground when I did. Soon I realized that God didn’t give Hal just one of the synonyms to express but all of them! Each week I added a new one—-Soul, Spirit, Mind, Principle, Truth, and Love —- until I absolutely looked forward to seeing God’s beautiful, whole expression coming toward me! The bullying from the other boys had begun lessening almost immediately. After a few months, Hal and I developed a God-based appreciation of each other. I was overjoyed in the spring when Hal, who was a senior, told me his fraternity was hosting a 5-state conclave at the university, and they were asking five women on campus to represent the fraternity and serve as hostesses. He wanted me to be one of them!! I was thrilled to see this result of seeing man as he truly is and how harmony is the law. So grateful!

  7. PS to my post about overcoming college bullying. I realized that if I I could see all the synonyms expressed in Hal, he could see them in me! Joy!

    1. Very moving and helpful story you shared, Susan! What love and perseverance you expressed! Thank you!

    2. Susan thank you so much for sharing this story. I will use this idea of looking forward to seeing so-called “difficult” people as the reflection of each synonym of God, and know that they can see the same in me. I am attending a Zoom-based family get together this weekend and had been praying to see the situation spiritually. I’ve been feeling apprehensive about this upcoming event because some of the family members have been very critical toward me over the years. I can apply your solution and be grateful that each one, myself included, reflects only God. Gratitude to you and all who shared wonderful thoughts today!

  8. Evan, thank you very very much for your so simple to understand, yet very thorough explanation of how to apply the divine Truth on this seeming problem of Bullying.
    Also when I just think that a friend or somebody else was unjust to me, I should pray to know the truth about the situation. Whether it is my touchyness or seems unjust, in any case I am so grateful to Evan,for the loving christian scientific thoughts which result in healing and release!
    It is also wonderful to read all the inspiring and interesting comments – thank you all !

  9. Evan thank you for addressing this subject. A few years ago I had a manager at work (large department store) who was very dismissive and rude and unkind towards me. I began praying to God on my way to work to saying, “Nothing can keep me from seeing the goodness and humanity in Your child named (I inserted his name). I did this for a couple of months and began to see a softening in him toward me. One day my daughter came to visit in the store and I introduced him to her. He said, with a big smile, “Your mom is the best!” That was that, very grateful.

    I was just thinking about children who are bullied or cyber-bullied, I would like to pray about that in a similar way, maybe to know that all children are surrounded by only the children of God and cannot behold anything but kindness and love coming to them.

    1. Hi Lt, thank you very much for the link to the article about innocence. It is wonderfully thoroughly explained, and it is very helpful !♡

  10. Perhaps none of us gets through life without the bully getting in the way. Thank you for these tips!

  11. ah I am thinking about this in regards to the claim of being close to a “narcissist”….its so tempting to sometimes believe in labels in order to humanly learn how to navigate around people but this simple reminder wakes me up to not believe in that label to begin with.

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