One of the most difficult human experiences to go through can be the passing on of a loved one. A spouse, a child, a parent, a very close sibling or friend, can become fixtures in our lives that we never imagine not being there. Yet, one day, they are not physically with us any longer.
The passing could be from old age, or, in less fortunate circumstances, from accident, illness, war or even crime.
I’ve noticed that some people handle these changes much better than others, and I’ve been thinking through some of the reasons why.
In my own prayers for peace on this issue, I find my greatest protection against overbearing grief about loss comes from knowing that life is eternal, and that we’re all living our eternal life now. No one ever dies or passes on. Our loved ones always were spiritual, and they continue to be spiritual. And we are united with them in Spirit, now and always. This eternal union never changes or dissolves, ever.
Any seeming sense of separation is not a reality, but a false belief that the person we loved was material and capable of dying in the first place. But this is not true! We’re all spiritual and always have been.
I think about how Jesus prepared his followers for his eventual leaving earth as a physical presence. He told them, “I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world.”
Think of how attached his disciples could have become to the physical Jesus. Jesus was super special. He worked miracles. He transformed their lives in major positive ways. He healed them. He raised their children from the dead. He restored crippled lives to wholeness. He truly was an irreplaceable person to know. Yet, soon, he would be gone. Yet, he would not be gone, according to his teachings. Jesus told them he would still be with them.
How could this be?
He meant spiritually. He was telling them that his individuality was not in a physical body, but in the Christ he reflected and manifested. He lifted their thought higher to the spiritual reality of his individuality. He was telling them to not get attached to a physical body. And he reassured them that if they stayed clear on this vital point, they would not miss him after he ascended. They would draw even closer to him, for he would still be with them in a very tangible concrete form. And as it turned out, he was. The Holy Ghost, or Christ, moved the disciples to even greater works as recorded in the book of Acts.
This lesson of not getting attached to a physical body applies to our loved ones.
They are not material bodies with temporal lives. They are expressions of God, living manifestations of Christ, reflecting the love and goodness of God in their own unique special way–and forever! This truth about their individuality never changes. They do not die. They do not leave us. They do not depart to another realm. They are always with us in Christ, in Spirit, where they’ve always lived.
Understanding this truth helps me greatly when I think about the safety of my family members. Any fear of loss that suggests itself, I immediately reverse with the truth that there is no loss in Spirit, that each member is a spiritual idea of God, forever safe in Mind, where there are no accidents, no injuries, disease or death, no coming and going, no passing, and no loss. I practice seeing them spiritual now! I do not give mortal mind a chance to suggest loss at a later date.
In seeing them spiritual now I find great peace about their safety and permanence in my life. It also draws me closer to them because I’m honoring who they really are. They are not finite mortal bodies with a temporal shelf-life. They are eternal spiritual beings, just like me. And we are inseparable in divine Love, the one Mind that unites all in one grand family.
How have you found peace about the permanence of loved ones in your life?
Thanks, Evan, I’m going to save this one. Often I feel at a loss for words when trying to give comfort. I know what you say here is true, and have been greatly reassured by experiences in Christian Science. I want to be able to give that reassurance; your words are an elegant summary of Divine Love’s permanence, and thus our own.
Grief can be a concern about what will happen to me?
When you recognize that as a selfish thought, and realize God has always provided and always will, you can go right on experiencing that “goodness, one eternal stream”
“I’m never alone”. Father-Mother God is still present.
“Thy Maker is thy husband”
“I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you”
Going into a pit of grief is not helpful. Recognize when that emotion, or nostalgia, suggests itself. Shut it out, and go to the truth of eternal life.
Gratitude for the good, heals grief.
Ah yes, I get what you’re saying, but I guess not enough. How about those times when you just want to pick up the phone and hear their voice or go to the movies, or shopping, or you just need a hug from your loved on. Or you just want to see their face as they see their new grandchild for the first time. I know that to morn is really a selfish thing, because like you said, nothing has happened to them. There life goes on. I know that to “miss” someone or something is a sense of lack or lacking and, of course, being who we are, having the infinite heritage that we do, lack is not possible. How does the spiritual sense meet the human need in this case? Any thoughts?
To above,
It helps to remember that the human need is always for the spiritual. Eventually, everyone, and I mean everyone, has to discover and learn that their individuality and the individuality of eveyrone else is totally spiritual. The longing to “hear their voice…feel their hug…” etc., as humanly innocent as it is, is clinging to a material sense of that person. We all want to learn this at our own pace…not be forced to “learn it quickly,” through the shortened earthly lifespan of a loved one, but when we have no say in the matter, and it happens anyway, its a lot easier on us to grow as quickly as possible into understanding that loved one from a purely spiritual point of view. As we truly grasp their spirituality, and see that they haven’t gone anywhere, that they are as close as ever, if not closer because we understand them better, the human longing goes away and is replaced by a deep spiritual peace that no loss has occured.
Hope that helps…
For some grieving is a process, moving through various stages – anger, confusion, sadness etc – until coming to a point of acceptance.
The notion that others are okay in spirit while not present on earth was very helpful in the 19th century when many people thought their loved ones were damned until eternity if not baptised etc.
But I’ve never found the idea that someone was still journeying on helpful in overcoming grief. The pain of my loss is just that, my loss.
For what it’s worth…
I struggled so much with the loss of my mother I couldn’t look at pictures of her or any of her things for years. I missed her so much.
One day I started to reason the way you explained above. It became very clear in my thought that everything I loved about her existed in Spirit and was present and continuing and I existed in Spirit and there was no separation. I figured out that Spirit had no beginning or end and as long as I looked for her in Spirit I could find her. The source of the love we felt for each other was spiritual and I had it whether we were in each others physical presence or not.
All of a sudden I was flooded with a love and joy and comfort I had not experienced before. I “felt” her presence and that was the end of the grief. Pictures came out and went up on the wall and I’ve not felt that separation again.
Super story. You really got it!!
Thx,
I love this one. I experienced growth in regard to this issue when my father passed on three years ago, and it has so uplifted my thought. I am grateful everyday for the Love that brought about this enlightenment.