If someone starts to pick an argument or verbal fight, do you respond with water or gasoline?
Fights between persons are like fires. They typically start with a spark. The spark finds fuel and grows into a flame, and if more fuel is available, the flame grows into a real burner, and if even more fuel is available, can grow into a full rip-roaring mega-destructive blaze.
It takes two to argue.
If you’re the target a “fighter” is looking to engage, you have a choice: to add fuel and contribute to the fire about to erupt, or douse the threatening spark and stop potential conflict.
Fuel that feeds a spark is fear, counter-anger, mindless and thoughtless reaction, ire, irritation, demeaning replies, indignation, self-righteousness, put-offs, pretending like nothing is happening, and hatred in kind.
Water that douses the flame is an understanding ear, a thoughtful reply, a kind remark, a loving gesture, a generous response, a calm demeanor, patience, compassion, fearlessness, confidence that a solution is at hand, listening for God’s healing direction and acting on it.
So, with any impending or brewing fires that you encounter, don’t be the fuel that allows the fight to grow or start. Be the water that douses the flame and builds an atmosphere of trust, peace, harmony and brotherly love. Everyone will be better off.
I have so endeavored to live with the sermon on the mount of offer your brother the other cheek also. That has so been a shining star to follow. In other words, it is not what the other guy does to me but how I respond to him that counts. Of course you listed those responses. My biggest struggle through the years was defending myself under false accusations or misperceptions. I do pray I have learned humility in stepping out of the targets way and seeing my fellow man in the light of Love. I feel Love has always been my protection through a bumpy ride. I haven’t bailed out. I just wanted to live to my highest sense of Love each moment. Thanks for the fireman advice. Sher
I particularly like the expanded list of ways that we might be the gasoline, including “pretending like nothing is happening” and “demeaning replies” and “put-offs”. These are less obvious forms of fuel, but fuel nontheless. I’ll be more on the look-out from now on.
Thank you
Sometimes acting like nothing is happening is the right response if you’re affirming the spiritual fact that nothing IS happening because God’s law is always harmony. Thanks for the wonderful idea of being the water not the fuel.