When I started this blog series on marriage two weeks ago at the beginning of our cruise, I thought it would be simple. A few ideas, a few lessons learned, a bit of typing, and I would be finished. But it didn’t turn out that way. The ideas keep coming and coming! Time to wrap this up….
As I mentioned on day one, I’m using this time away with Kathy in celebration of our 25th anniversary as an opportunity to remember, appreciate and express gratitude for blessings gained from our marriage.
We have had a super good time together during this trip away. We are closer than ever, our marriage has been strengthened, we understand each other even more, and our love is deeper than ever.
I wrote this blog because there are too many negative and demoralized messages floating around society about marriage. There are too many ugly, failed and sad depictions of wedlock coming out of Hollywood that fill young people’s minds with a feeling of hopelessness and despair about getting married, causing many to lose hope that they could ever have a happy marriage. There are millions of failed marriages that cause millions of children to doubt whether they can be happily married in their adult years. There needs to be a counterbalance. I hope this blog offers some light and hope.
Marriage has been good for me—really good. And it can be good for you, too, if that’s the direction God is leading you.
I like marriage. I like being married. There are tremendous benefits that come from being married.
Marriage is a major stabilizer of society, a protection to man and woman from many unhealthy temptations lurking at every corner, the best place to raise children, a source of strength, and a wonderful place to learn the lessons of love and practice those lessons for individual spiritual growth and for the benefit of all mankind.
The success we have with marriage we take out into the world, into our business, our government, our community, our relations with other people in all forms.
Success in marriage and at home is bedrock for a successful society and an enduring government.
Marriage can be a bit more of heaven on earth – when done right. And I add this qualifier because success in marriage doesn’t just happen. It is a demonstration. It takes work, compromise, sacrifice, ever-increasing humility, seventy times seven amounts of patience and forgiveness and, above all, unselfishness.
The day two people marry is like a child entering kindergarten. There are many years of learning ahead! But if the two faithfully learn the lessons of Love along the way, silence human will and turn to God for guidance, they will “graduate,” reap the ultimate blessing of knowing firsthand what it means to feel and experience God’s love in the unity of divine Love, and live as the angels in heaven.
“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Jesus Christ (Mark 10:9)
Evan and Kathy:
This has been a beautiful glimpse into your view and demonstration of marriage. It is a true beacon light of truth and hope for the rest of us.
I do reiterate your closing quote from Mark with this qualifier:
“What God hath joined together” not human will” Clearly, both of you we listening to God and following His leading.
This to me is the most important factor in your success. God did indeed bring you together.
We are the richer for it too.
Thank You again, happy weekend.
Leah
Evan, thank you for sharing your thoughts on marriage. Having had a marriage that didn’t work and now in a marriage that is working beautifully, I would have to agree with your wise words: “Marriage can be a bit more of heaven on earth – when done right. And I add this qualifier because success in marriage doesn’t just happen. It is a demonstration. It takes work, compromise, sacrifice, ever-increasing humility, seventy times seven amounts of patience and forgiveness and, above all, unselfishness”. Well said! It doesn’t just happen.And may I add how important it is to pray daily for marriage–world thought malpractices it constantly..I love to use Mrs. Eddy’s admonition:”neither animosity nor mere personal sense should impel the motives or acts of the members of The Mother Church. In Science, divine Love alone governs man…etc.” (The Church Manual). Again,Evan, deepest appreciation for your marriage series!
The same Hollywood that tends to depict marriage as disaster, as resulting in a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness, also often depicts marriage as a special party of love and happiness that come magically and forever. They don’t show the work, the dedication, the selflessness, the sharing and giving that are required in a “real life” marriage and love affair. So, in either case, they misrepresent what marriage and true love is all about.
Thanks Evan and Kathy, for your open and helpful view of a lovely marriage.
Evan, so appreciate this series, can’t wait for what is next. In speaking to all the human forces creeping at every corner, lust and cynicism/sarcasm seem to be the strongest counterfeits. Lust is a common counterfeit for love, and cynicism/sarcasm, is a counterfeit/counter force to Sincerity of heart. Both are imposters that creep into our conciousness as “flirty”/lust or as “humor”/cynicism sarcasm. Like the smoke from incense you don’t really notice it but it clings to and permiates every molecule and blocks light and love. I have never seen two things kill what is true and sweet faster. They are a seeming source
Of power on their own, that descends upon us even when we recognize them.
It’s so important to realize in relationships, firm/marriage or tentative/dating that there is not a seeming deep desire for False Power!!! This False Power goes beyond the so called battle of the sexes, orientation, attraction. It is a basic human desire for or belief in a power aside from God. We get caught up in smoke and mirrors that seem to have a black hole suction if we believe their is any power aside from God and are content with that, (dishonoring God). You spoke of patience and humility they don’t seem to sexy or powerful do they. They are however real and you can’t have anything real without giving all the power and the glory to God.
Dear Evan; I write this as a personal letter because I truly believe that the Blog you started should be read in Public Schools, High Schools and Colleges through out the world. I mean that sincerely. In fact, it should be the forefront of an educational demand to read, study as a requirement for graduating the above schools. True, in our lifetime, due, I feel through Hollywood depiction of marriage, divorces has increased. In my experience, we were raised to respect woman and respect their God bestowed right to follow their dreams and do and become what ever they can do to bless mankind. Now-a-days that attitude has left the scene. Your Blog is reaching out for a return of the respect of families that we had during the 40’s and 50’s.
Dear Evan – Thank you so much for your generous and gracious sharing of your journey called marriage. I am also very grateful that you used this unique space of your blog site to write this in series (something… we may not see in our CS periodicals). It was your individual experiences and demonstrations, which I learned from richly and greatly. Most important, I still continue to believe in the health and stability of marriage, after hearing your own successful marriage and also.. of my own parents’ who just celebrated their 46th wedding anniversary. QUESTION: Evan – How can children celebrate their parents’ golden anniversary, which is coming up for my folks in a few years..? What are some forms of gratitude that can honor their union? I’ve already started brainstorming, but.. any thoughts? Thanks 🙂
To above,
I’m not the expert on planning 50th wedding anniversaries! Sorry about that. I would ask someone who has already planned one. They should have ideas.
Cheers,
Thanks so much for this series. I truly enjoyed it.
Evan, I have just finished reading this series on marriage. First of all, thank you for your openness and honesty. It is truly a gift. Reading about your own experience and how an elevated thought has offered you infinite blessings has been very helpful to me. It’s opened up my thought and spawned some important questions for me to contemplate about my own marriage. With much gratitude!
Thank you! Glad to hear the ideas helped.