I pulled my CRV up to the curb of a shopping mall to stop a moment and put some letters in a postal box.
In front of me was a woman sitting outside a café at a little table, fiddling with some paper and eating some lunch.
When I looked in her direction, our eyes connected and I gave her a happy friendly smile. She was not in a happy mood. She looked involved in some type of activity she didn’t want exposed. She did not return a smile, but shot me an angry stare and gave me the finger! I was a bit stunned, even befuddled as to why she would react to a friendly smile in such a hateful, cruel, mean way.
The first temptation was to ask, “What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve such unkindness?”
But I didn’t do anything wrong. I was kind and friendly. I had only good intent in my heart, and had expressed kindness openly. I was not guilty of any crime. I did not deserve to be punished.
So, I decided not to let her punish me. I was innocent and I was not going to suffer for her unkindness, I agreed.
But what happened? I pondered. Why such an act of hatred on her part?
As I looked at her more, I could see she was mentally in an unpleasant place. Whatever struggles were going on in her life, I did not know, but the reason she expressed so much hatred outwardly was because she was harboring dark negative feelings on the inside, I sensed. Those negative feelings were not my fault. I did not create them and I was not responsible for them.
When I expressed kindness to her, she was in such a dark place that she didn’t know how to respond. She did the first thing that came to her mind, and that was to express hatred.
My heart of compassion went out to her. She needed love in her life. She needed Christ. She needed something positive to lift her thought to a better place, and I could help a bit by sending a prayer of love in her direction.
I dropped any personal offense about her act and sent love her way. I could be the bigger person in this scene. And I drove off seeing her as God’s worthy, blessed and beloved child.
Great example of what that is and how to deal with it!
Thanks. Love the stories…
Oh Evan, this is just what I needed today! I’ve been having similar experiences with coworkers lately and this blog post just broke the mesmerism that’s been clouding over my joy as of late.
I’m going to see through the belief that love is not reflected in love and know to “wait, and love more for every hate,” and start looking for the Christ in everyone.
Thanks for the metaphysical boost!
Thanks, Evan. It’s true–we immediately are tempted to ask “what did I do wrong?” And I find that I think I’m being unloving if I think it’s “her problem” so I often hold on to it being my issue, especially when it comes to family members. I am beginning to realize just what you state here: my role is to maintain my innocence and see everyone as God knows them. Thanks for this important reminder.
Thank you for sharing this. My mom and I had a similar experience recently. My mom was trying to make a right hand turn out of a parking lot, and a lady that was driving by gave us the finger and looked upset. My mom had not gone onto the street at all, so we knew we were not at fault. The interesting thing was that probably 20 seconds before, a man had turned into the parking lot and had given us the peace sign and smiled!
This was a good lesson, because it actually made me laugh with the two different perspectives. I realized that sometimes we can be tricked into being offended and taking it personally. Reading “Taking Offense” in Miscellaneous Writings by MBE is helpful. I prayed to see her as God’s child. It’s important to see the clear picture and not be swayed by another’s anger or negative mood.
I am grateful for this clear example how we can choose to view a situation from different perspectives.
While I am thinking about this, I am reminded of a man who was walking behind my mom and I one time in the same shopping area. I forget exactly what he said, but he said “God Bless You” and something like “It’s nice to meet two lovely ladies” and went on to express the importance of women as mother’s, etc. He was very genuine and it was nice to see a “random act of kindness”. Although I don’t see it as random, but an expression of God.
Evan,
Thank you, I so appreciate your writings! Simple but so profound!
The CS periodicals recently had an article on forgiveness and quoted a Native American definition of forgiveness as: removing another’s fault from our heart
That’s been helpful to me lately!