Found an interesting web page on the value of praising children for work well done. This paragraph caught my eye on the importance of not qualifying your words of support, but ensuring they ring with sincerity:
Avoid giving praise with a sting in the tail. This sort of praise starts off well but ends with an implied criticism that wipes away the positive comment. For example, try not to say: “Rory, well done for making your bed – shame you don’t do it everyday” or “Lily, you shared your toy so nicely – what a pity you hit May with it yesterday”.
Have you ever heard the rule, “It takes ten praises to outweigh the harm that comes from a single criticism?”
Children thrive on love and genuine affection. Love IS Life, after all, so why wouldn’t they!
We all thrive on love—giving it and receiving it. But love hedged about with qualification loses its appeal and doesn’t feel like love anymore.
We can do everyone a service, ourselves included, by offering praise that is genuine and sincere.
There is a freedom to be gained when we can drop the “only ifs…” and abundantly pour praise on acts and words worthy of commendation without feeling a need to stick a knife in somewhere and turn it a bit out of resentment.
From the Lord’s prayer, with it’s spiritual interpretation from Science and Health:
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
And Love is reflected in love; Mary Baker Eddy
Thanksgiving Day is a timely reminder to give thanks for all of our blessings.
Children are a blessing. Friends are a blessing. Neighbors are a blessing. Life is a blessing. The ability to love unselfishly and unconditionally is a blessing.
Let us give thanks in abundance this holiday, pour it out freely to all those around us, and feel the joy that comes from praising other’s good deeds without issuing an accompanying qualification.
May our praise be praiseworthy!
Evan, thank you so much for this VERY timely message. I just dealt with a situation yesterday in which I had accepted a staffer’s work, even though it was a little deficient in one area, because it represented a dramatic improvement in another area with which this person sometimes struggles. My supervisor did not understand my decision initially and was very critical of the work, so I had to run interference on behalf of the person.
I happened to have occasion to speak with a practitioner about an unrelated matter right after I sent a reply to my supervisor. I mentioned the situation, and the practitioner directed me to the parable of the tares and the wheat and assured me that it was right to allow the tares to grow in order to protect the wheat. I felt much better upon hearing that, and a few minutes later, I received a message from my supervisor indicating that he now understood the situation and accepted my decision.
A small demonstration, but most welcome in the middle of a challenging week.
Emily,
Wonderful example of protecting our praise so it has the good effect we intend it to have!
Thanks for sharing. Evan
Evan: Your timely message keeps me focused on the truth. I have found healing starts when we do good for others.
I find continually when I help others get through their trials of believed illness or feeling uncertain, any thoughts that have been present in my complainants, seem minor, and in a short time I feel better.
Thanksgiving Day, is a timely reminder to be thankful for our daily blessings.
Dear Evan,
As I count my blessings today, your blog is among them. It’s an ongoing blessing to me, to my family, to my country, and to the world. Thank you so very much for your sincerity, your practical understanding of everyday problems we all face, and for always sharing a good, spiritual answer to these problems. God bless you and your family.
With love and great gratitude,
Gloria
Gloria,
Thank you. You are welcome!
Evan
Hi Evan,
I wanted to thank you for the reminder about giving praise. I am a teacher and I know that sometimes I give praise and then add one of those only ifs to the end. Your blog is a great reminder to focus on the good that my kids do and not on the negative.
Thanks again!
Stacey