In playing doubles tennis I partner with many different players over the course of a season. And one rule doubles tennis players are early taught is to never judge or criticize your partner’s game. You keep your evaluations to yourself and adjust your game to best complement their game.
For instance, if my partner is poor at running for lobs, then I position myself to run and get those lobs for them. If my partner is strong with overheads, then I get out of the way and let them take the overheads, when possible. The idea is to work together as one for the greater good.
The same rule applies to all different types of partners we may find ourselves put with in life. At the office, in the community, in families, volunteer organizations or local sports teams, there may be another person we depend upon to accomplish a task. And it may be tempting to size up their shortcomings and voice criticism for what we think they lack. But this type of tactic can be very destructive to morale and building any type of constructive working relationship. The more successful strategy is to love them for all their good qualities, and adjust one’s own game to bring out the greater good.
When I complement a partner on court for a good shot, they brighten up, feel better, look better and play better. And likewise, when they do the same for me, I respond positively and play better. Love always has a positive effect!
So, rather than get hung-up on your partner’s deficiencies, let them go, and focus on all their good qualities. Acknowledge them, honor them, rejoice in them. Love the person for all the strengths they demonstrate, and let them work the rest out with God. Your relationship with them will improve, and the work you do together will be far more impressive.
Oh, thank you, Evan!! It occurred to me earlier this week that when I have it sense some negative feeling about someone/ that’s when I must see all the good I can – knowing it’s God’s goodness shining through. This conscious self correction has gotten me through a rough spot this week which wound up blessing me!
It’s often a fight with ones self but it leads to peace, healing, and harmony!!
Thank you so much; yours and Evan’s posts were exactly what I needed to hear!
Thank you very much Evan, so so right, understandable and healing is your today`s ‘SpiritView again!
And thank you Patty! Yes we have to fight sometimes with our self, that relates also to the cooperation with church members. But Evan is so right, loving the co-workers and all the wonderful qualities they express for the Good brings healing and harmony and mutual Love! The German Bible says “God will heal all your falts according to His riches in Christ Jesus”. However the NLT says: “And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches , which have been given to us in Christ Jesus”. (Pilippians 4:19). This shall relate to Evan`s sentence: “… and let them work the rest out with God”
If we were to do that in our close relationships we’d begin to see the good in everyone that’s there and not the opposite we might be seeing in our country. Timely!
Excellent post. I love what can be gained from sports as it can be applied to life in general. This is a valuable lesson. Thank you.
Awesome stuff, Evan!
So simple, so clear, so DO-ABLE!
Thank you Evan!
Lovely….partnership works beautifully if we dwell on the good qualities of our partner
and compliment them for the same, instead of getting stuck with their drawbacks or being grumpy…making the relationship go bitter instead of better.
Here gratitude plays an important role. If we show our partner gratitude for their good qualities, they are encouraged to help us more. We get better co operation from them and things work beautifully, harmoniously and there is a win win situation.
We must not forget that our partner too puts up with our drawbacks gracefully. We need to work hand in hand towards a perfect partnership.
Thanks Evan for your very lovely post.
Evan,
I agree with what you say here with an exception. Yes, it is wonderful to love, love, love. But, sometimes we encounter someone who seems to love doing the wrong thing or is being influenced wrongly by mortal mind. I had given a comment about a man I worked for many weeks ago. He had asked my supervisor and myself to do something that was not right. He had done a lot for me in my growth at work but I did not understand the extent he was being influenced erroneously until a co-worker brought it to my attention. He said he, another male co-worker and Mark had gone to a trade show (I think it was in Las Vegas) and that Mark had hired a women to “entertain” them. All three of these guys were married with kids. That is when I began to put things together. That trip to Amsterdam that Mark and the other male co-worker had taken had seemed strange as I could not think of any reason for this trip. While they were in Amsterdam, their wives were doing all the work taking care of the kids. Mark was raising two boys and the other man had one boy and two girls. That is not acceptable. I don’t know if their wives ever figured it out but hopefully they woke up. We need to demand more of our leaders and more of men. We need to see them as capable of more than this behavior.
One more comment, the man who told me this was put in a very uncomfortable position because of his boss. He was married and had kids. That is not right.
This is a time to really hold to what you know to be true of God’s man, based on the Ten Commandments, the Bestitudes, and our Church Manual. You can only ever deal with your own thought. That pure seeing of Mind’s precious idea will ultimately bless one and all.
Lots of love to you
Beatitudes, I meant – which are the Be Attitudes. What you are being right now!
But don’t you think best-i-tudes works, too, here? These BE -attitudes are the BEST!
,
I don’t think I will ever forget this. The Bestitudes, how to be the best we can be!
The truth revealed through the Science of Christ is not here to give us a cruel measuring rod wherewith to judge our human selves (and our fellow humans). We are commanded to love Truth, God, and God’s idea, man,
Period.
Always with gratitude, Evan, and all,
Sue
So it is ok to see a mortal as an immortal?
Wonderful advice, Evan. Good to practice in marriage, especially! Thank you.
I love this, Evan. So wise!
Thank you!
Laura
Kirsten, we can’t see a moral as an immortal any more than we can see darkness AS light. But having the Mind of God we can only see an immortal right where the corporeal sense suggest the mortal is real. Focussing on the good is what the camera of divine Mind does so use that camera when mortal sense claims there’s nothing more to see than its distortions!
Woops: mortal not moral
Hi Soaring Dove,
Thank you – but, are you saying see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil? Are you seeing the false claim at all – or just an immortal? Or, are you seeing the false claim and then realizing how ridiculous it is because it is a lie about the person?
I like this, but it could be misconstrued as what is called in Adult Children of Alcoholics “not seeing the elephant in the room.” Many of us were raised to not see the abuse that was going on. I can see the person as God’s child, but I also have to see the actions and not allow myself to be abused. One of the criticisms I’ve read of ex-Christian Scientists is that they were never allowed to speak of their abuse because they were told it didn’t exist.
Forgiveness is not denial. It also doesn’t turn the abuser into a non-abuser. I don’t think the example Mrs. Eddy uses about the child’s finger when the child says, “It doesn’t hurt at all anymore,” and then runs away laughing can be used to cover child abuse. I think Christian Science asks us to see on two levels: we can acknowledge the malicious animal magnetism, whatever form it takes, and at the same time realize God didn’t create it so we don’t have to let it have power over us.
Thank you!
Good ideas – thank you. I think when one sees the evil, one thinks, life isn’t supposed to be like this and they get out. They crawl out of the septic so to speak. That is how I viewed my workplace at least once I learned all these things. But, it occurred to me that each person has to do it for themselves. They have to work their way out. (Work out their salvation). And, if I did it others can as well. And, when you do life is wonderful! It is tempting to feel sorry for them though. But, God did not make life like that and each person can recognize that and make the change. And, when you do see it, it is natural to move onward and upward. But, I don’t like that each person has to go through that. Maybe it is like a little seed pushing their way up through the dung and rising above it so to speak. 🙂
Well-intended but I’m not sure I can agree 100%. I do agree that constant criticism without praise does more harm than good. I know because I’ve had at least a few people do that to me. None of them are welcome in my life anymore.
But I also believe in compliments and encouragement when it’s called for. Especially when someone is giving a task that’s difficult for him or her an honest try. Also, if the other person wants to learn a skill that you’re strong in-like your tennis lob-then there’s nothing wrong with taking the time to teach him or her. For example, you can teach someone how to hit the right notes on a musical instrument but only he or she can find his or her own art in it. Sports and many other things are the same way.