This has been an exciting week for my daughter. A member of her high school swim team, she made it all the way to the State competition this year, which is very significant, I’m told, for a tenth grader to achieve.
Yesterday, the family and I drove up to Seattle to watch her in the prelims, and during one of the two relays they competetd in, her team got DQd. No I’m not talking about getting a gift certificate to a Dairy Queen restaurant. In swimming parlance, it stands for “disqualified.” If a swimmer doesn’t touch the end of the pool, jumps into the water too soon, or fails to follow some other rule, they get DQd. They are bumped from the race.
After the DQ was announced, everyone in the stands was in a dither about what had happened. All the work the girls had put into preparing for the race, and in one millisecond of a slip-up by one of the team members, the whole race was forfeited. In many ways, it seemed unfair. I wasn’t sure how Jenna was taking the news.
After the meet was finished I went down to the edge of the stands and hollered down to Jenna who was in the swimmers section and asked her what had happened. She smiled, cheerful as can be to just be there, shrugged her shoulders and said in a light-hearted way, “One of the members got DQd.”
Well, I knew that.
“Why?” I asked.
She said one of the girls jumped too soon, didn’t know who, knew it wasn’t her, and it didn’t really matter anyway.” She was filled with joy, cheer and love to just be there.
I mentally stepped back to absorb the freedom from concern I saw in her.
The biggest time meet ever she had been in, a DQ which can be a heartbreak for many, and she wasn’t the least bit bothered. All was well as far as she was concerned. She ticked off all the progress the team had made that day and did not dwell on anything negative.
I was impressed! Of course, she’s my daughter, and it’s hard not to be. But honestly, I was so grateful she had her spiritual perspective intact.
There are no DQs in Spirit, I concluded. Jenna was in the true spirit of competition, which is one of selfless giving, not selfish getting, and the presence of Spirit was reflected through her. She was not bummed, upset, or even slightly irritated. She was happy as could be.
My wife and I have many times impressed upon our kids, or at least tried to, what constitutes real winning. It’s not trophies, awards, and medals that signify success. It’s a right attitude, a spiritual attitude that is always grateful, looking for the good, striving to improve and rejoicing in the progress. When one has the right spiritual perspective, winning and losing materially is not the important thing. Winning is increased spiritual mindedness. I saw these qualities in Jenna yesterday, and I was grateful.
The girls got DQd on the 400 freestyle relay, but did well on their 200 freestlye, placing 5th out of 24 teams. Today they compete in the finals, the grand finale of the State meet. And I will be there mid-day to watch.
And more than anything, I’ll be on watch for the same Spirit I saw yesterday. It’s always win-win with Spirit, and there is no better way to compete.
I have so enjoyed reading your blogs, Evan. I find your examples of viewing life from a spiritual perspective so helpful in my own spiritual journaling. Through your entry on gratitude, a friend and I committed to increase our prayerful, praiseful worship in gratitude for abundance. Thanks for these ongoing ideas.
Thank you
Thanks Evan – this reminds me of a similar episode with my 10 year old son this year. His soccer team had gotten into a cup final. The coaches became entirely win at all costs oriented. My son was only included in the team as a token gesture and had only 10 minutes on the field during play. In a game marred by bad behaviour by one of our coaches, our team lost. Later in the day my son said to me “Mum, you know I had a tear in my eye at the end of the game. Not because we lost or that I didn’t get much time on the field” he said, “but because I’m so proud that we were good enough to get in the final and we played the best we could.” He still talks about his joy on that day. My heart was so full of pride in his team spirit and his ability to take joy from the right things. Thanks for putting his response in the right spiritual perspective for me!
Oh, it’s heartening to read the above. I know I’m not the only parent dealing with these issues! In this competition filled society, it is a constant challenge/opportunity to keep a right perspective on why we play the game in the first place. Thanks all for sharing.