I’ve always valued the wisdom and spirit of these words by Mary Baker Eddy on the subject of marriage:
“A third person is not a party to the compact of two hearts. Let other people’s marriage relations alone: two persons only, should be found within their precincts.” Miscellaneous Writings, p. 290.
Not only should we never interfere with another couple’s marriage relations, but if in a relationship of our own, we should not allow third parties to interfere with our decision-making.
And who might these “third parties” be?
These outsiders could include the obvious candidates of well-meaning but misguided parents, friends, nosey neighbors, and curious co-workers. Some people have a hard time keeping their opinion to themselves….
But some of the most harmful and dangerous “third parties” that interfere with harmonious marriage relations don’t take the form of a person at all. They are demoralized, despondent, and negative attitudes of mortal mind that sneak in the back door of thought, take up residence in the perspective of the unsuspecting man or woman and create tension, discord and ill-will in the relationship.
“Third parties” such as suspicion, hurtful criticism, disparagement, talking the other down, shutting the other out, discouragement, resentment, anger, impatience, spite, lack of confidence or trust, hopelessness and their kin destroy healthy and happy relationships. They must be guarded against and kept out! No trespassing allowed.
So, if you have a marriage or relationship you especially cherish and want to preserve, keep on the watch for unwanted “third parties!” Maintain a high standard of love, love, love in your home, and don’t let mortal mind pull you and your partner to a lower level in tricky, deceitful ways.
Marriage is all about learning and living the lessons of love, and the “third parties” of negativity have nothing positive to contribute.
Excellent. Perfect. Well done!
I have a reservation about this. Nobody should lose the support of family and friends solely because they’re married instead of single. When a married person is in an abusive or overly one-sided marriage, their family and friends should not withhold comment due solely to the fact that the person happens to be married. Their married state is not a convenient excuse for others to “look the other way” when someone is in need of support.
To above,
There is a difference between sharing helpful observations in a compassionate, understanding way and offering help if wanted, and interfering and manipulating outcomes. It’s the latter that can cause great trouble. If one follows the Golden Rule, they’ll be safe.
Do you think these ideas pertain to the laws being passed by states that try to define marriage as between one man and one woman as well? It is technically interfering in people’s private marriages to pass laws that invalidate those unions. I’m curious as to what your opinion is, because this certainly falls under the context of allowing third parties to interfere with our decision making.
Thoughts?
You left out the marriages that can’t take place because a priest wants to be part of it.
The current discussion as presented in the news, is between the use of the words marriage, and civil union. Most seem to feel the citizen should have the same or equal right to secular advantages, ie. money, and social rights, as all others. Marriage is seen as more than secular.The wisdom of two parents, man and woman, to nurture and protect the children, is universal, and to some, God ordained. Practically, if a child cannot relate to one parent, that child can probably relate well to the other. Marriage in youth is often a relation of opposites. Marriage in later life is often between people who are very alike, in disposition.
Thy will be done.
I agree that there should only be two people in a marriage and during my 30+ year marriage, when I’ve allowed others in, whether it’s other people’s opinions, or when I became involved with another person outside my marriage, things went from bad to worse.
Then, I put God first in my life, and my marriage was healed and is better than ever.
A friend once asked me how my spouse and I were able to stay together after multiple trials and tribulations. I told him that there were “Three” people in our marriage and we both answered to the third, God.