A woman was distressed about cold relations she had with certain family members because she tried so hard to say the right things, but they still would not warm up to her.
I said to her, “It’s not your words that they hear, but your thoughts. What are you thinking when you speak to them?”
“Well,” she replied, “They did me great wrong in the past and I hold a lot of resentment toward them.”
“Then that’s what they hear in the tone of your voice,” I answered. “The resentment you hold in your heart is speaking louder than the words that come out of your mouth.”
People don’t hear your words. They hear your thoughts. Humans often use words to cover up their innermost thoughts, but in most cases it doesn’t work. People are wiser. They can feel the thoughts behind the words even if they are utterly contrary, and they respond accordingly. So it’s important that we have sincere love behind our words that confirms the intent of our words.
The most effective way to warm up to people and dissolve coldness is to love them.
Love sees the good in the other person. Love does not behold evil, but sees God’s child, and overflows with forgiveness, patience, understanding, compassion and affection.
Love is attractive. Love is beautiful. Love builds bridges. Love is convincing, influential, and persuasive. Love builds healthy happy relationships.
Words are empty shells if there is no love behind them.
When words are motivated by love, then they ring true and they have a healing effect.
Speak with love in your heart and the words will be convincing. It’s not the words people hear as much as the thought that generates them.
Indeed ! And as Shakespeare put it in “Hamlet ”
King:
“My words fly up, my thoughts remain below: Words without thoughts never to heaven go.”
Hamlet (III, iii, 100-103)
Thank you Evan. This is so important to understand. I see this take place in every mediation that I get assigned. When the parties stop speaking from resentment and fear the entire conversation opens up to entirely different level where resolution is possible.
Loved this, Evan! It’s kinda like what Paul says in Corinthians re……”but if you have not Love, it’s an empty sound…..” (paraphrasing). How do we get our Hearts to open when they seem to be slammed shut due to hurt and emotional pain…..??
Thanks, Evan, for an especially good reminder to watch and purify our thoughts. The saying that actions speak louder than words can apply to thoughts as well.
This may be the reason for the animonstory that I feel toward one of the nurse aides that is taking care of me. I recognize it but hard to control it. I suppose that in recognizing my fault is 2/3rds healed.
So deeply grateful for this!! Thank you Evan!!
Dear Bevi, just some thoughts in regard to your question. Jesus is our example. He certainly was faced with hurt and emotional pain. What did he do? This quote from Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures written by Mary Baker Eddy gives us insight into how he handled it: “Jesus beheld in Science the perfect man, who appeared to him where sinning mortal man appears to mortals. In this perfect man the Savior saw God’s own likeness…” To me that is the key, to see “God’s own likeness.” We need to see their spiritual identity. Their only real identity as the very likeness of God. Then it continues “and this correct view of man healed the sick.” The correct view heals! There is so much more in this book about how Jesus forgave, even those who crucified him. That may be the first step…forgiveness. <3
Love and best wishes for your spiritual success. (=
very very very helpful……….. i’ve had this experience & you’ve opened up my eyes. Today was a much more really loving day because of it. Thank you Evan!!!!!!!
This topic also affects readers in Christian Science churches. I attended a C.S. church in the 1980’s in which the pews would be about 1/3 full during a typical Sunday service. A new reader was elected and before long the church had to schedule a second service on Sunday to accommodate everyone that wanted to attend. When this reader’s term ended three years later, the number of people attending dwindled back down to what is was before she was elected even though the new reader seemed to do all of the right things when reading (i.e. smiled, pronounced the words correctly, etc.). After thinking about this the only conclusion I can reach is that the one reader’s thought was projecting the truth more clearly while she read and that was attractive to people and made them want to attend. I often think of this when I hear people criticize the Christian Science service. While I agree that practical steps should be taken when necessary to keep the service up with the times, I no longer think the “trappings” of the service are what is most important. It’s the truth the readers project in word AND thought that is what is most important.