Would you like to see more openness with certain people you care about in your life? Perhaps more freedom of sharing with a friend, spouse, a child or a co-worker?
One way that often improves communication is to lift any fear of judgment out of that relationship.
For instance, if the other person fears being judged when they share a thought, it’s likely they will clam up and keep their thoughts to themselves. They may even harbor anger, resentment and hostility at feeling not understood, and go ever further inward, rather than reaching out.
Few people enjoy being judged. And most will do whatever they can to avoid it. But there’s a way to heal this type of avoidance. Love is what opens their thought up and encourages it to share freely and abundantly.
And we can help by being the presence of divine Love in that relationship.
Love sees all the good in another person.
Love does not look for evil and point it out. Love does not make a list of all the wrongs and berate about them. Love does not make another person feel bad. Love does not beat another up emotionally or physically. Love doesn’t get angry and mad. Love doesn’t hold resentments. Love does not feel sorry for itself.
Love brings out the good in another. Love works for the common good.
Love is infinitely patient. Love is kind. Love is compassionate. Love is understanding. Love wants to help and Love does help.
Love makes the other person feel really good about themselves and what they’re capable of doing and being as God’s beloved.
Most everyone enjoys being loved. When you heap love on them, it’s like watering a dry flower. It perks up, brightens up, looks up, and shines in all its colorful glory.
A relationship free of judgment is a relationship ready to flourish.
Love more and judge less. It’s a path to mutual happiness and relationship success.
Wonderful. As I’m reading this I’m thinking that’s the kind of person I want to be around. That’s the kind of person I want to be. And doesn’t that desire indicate our natural state of who we really are now. I’m grateful to say that I have known individuals that loved me like that. Some of them were Sunday school teachers at the Christian Science Church. And what a gift to give to our fellow members today. What a gift to give to our neighbors and our closest family members. And what a gift to give to those we disagree with the policy or in how to bring reform.
A powerful thing to seriously consider. I have been thinking about mrs. Eddie’s comment and No and Yes. “True prayer is not asking God for love, it is learning to love, and to include all mankind in one affection. Prayer is the utilization of the love wherewith He loves us.”
Well, this was a wake up call for me this morning, I do need to recognize more consistently that I reflect all love from Love and not from a human standpoint. There is so much “meat” in this message I keep re-reading it to get my thinking much more in line with this message today!
As usual Evan, thanks for your spiritual insights and for sharing them daily with us all.
Your identification comes at an opportune time. For many years I have become a mentor for a good friend who gives so much to his family and friends needs. I have found that I tend to direct him in our daily conversations of how I feel he should react to some of the choices he has made. How wrong I have been not be conscious of the need to extend more love towards how he manages his choices, as he does do so much good.
Thanks, I needed this.
Thanks, Evan! Sooo Good! I think one of the fears I sometimes have about not judging another is…… that if I don’t say anything critical or think anything critical, it will mean that I am condoning their behavior or words. How do we know when it is right to speak up and make a correction (as Mrs. Eddy did so freely and Jesus, too) and when is the right time to just Love them exactly the way they are, seeing thru any of the negative errors in their behavior or words……?? I do think we need to not be “doormats” or dishonest with ourselves and our close friends and family. I’ve learned to substitute the word, “confront” with “carefront” – in an effort to find a way to be kind when it is necessary to let someone know their behavior or words are not appropriate. I don’t think that is really “judging” in the bad sense of the word……do you?
Very timely. It’s such an uncomfortable thing to be seeing errors in others and trying to figure out ways to straighten them out so they’ll be healed. That’s where I was this morning when I read your lift. It sent me zooming to research the meaning of every solid word in S&H passage 495:14 –“When the illusion of sickness or sin tempts you. . .”
It concludes with “Let Christian Science. . . support your understanding of being. . . ” So I looked up in Concord every reference to “Christian Science is”.
Breathtaking. In Science and Health, in the trial allegory, Christian Science is the Counsel for the dear mortal man with liver complaint, and he “looks at the patient with utmost tenderness.” Nothing less is Christian Science! Then he proceeds to vehemently prove baseless all the claims of False Belief and Personal Sense etc. from the foundational law — the divine irrevocable Truth — that man is the image and likeness of God.
This passage in Miscellaneous Writings of Mary Baker Eddy is especially relevant, and similar to what Jackie and Bill have said:
“The Principle of Christian Science is Love, and its idea represents Love. This divine Principle and idea are demonstrated, in healing, to be God and the real man.”
Thanks for your listening! — and faithful sharing.
Your precious picture says it just right.
Joan W
I believe we live in a world that’s critical and judgemental gods love is the answer to every thing
I certainly need this reminder often ! Thankyou Evan. I’m going to print this out and stick it on my study wall!!! it is So easy to be critical but that is ego talking and judging. God speaks to us all and sometimes it is better to be kind than to be right …to let God show a person the right way gently in their own thought
Thank you, Evan. How does one comment on such profound insights! Thanks also to all above for sharing their experiences and views. A friend sent me something to think about. It goes like this:
What does it mean to “hold space” for someone else? It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they are on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.
🙂
I feel we should ALWAYS just love – never judge nor condemn. Let God, the only Mind, do any correcting that appears to be needed.
Thanks Evan! And thanks also to all of the responders!
Bevi’s question got me thinking because I too have often felt “responsible” for “correcting” what I’ve perceived to be the “error” in other people’s thinking (i.e. my own personal “Committee on Publication”). Perhaps the answer to Bevi’s “How do I know” question is to ask yourself “What is my role in this situation?”
If I’m playing first base on a baseball team, it would be wrong of me to run over to the pitcher and tell the pitcher how to pitch. My “role” in that situation is to play first base, not pitch.
Similarly, if I’m chatting with a friend, my “role” in that situation is to be a friend, not a parent or guidance counselor. Therefore, it would be wrong of me to try and tell the other person how to think or act.
If your role is a parent to a child, then it would be appropriate to lovingly correct the child’s mistakes. I think that was the role Mrs. Eddy held in her household and the C.S. movement and therefore it was appropriate for her to correct others when acting from that role.
When having a conversation with a friend, if the friend expresses an idea we disagree with, we can lovingly express our view of that same idea if we feel that’s appropriate. But as Evan wrote in another blog, people “hear our thoughts”. Therefore, often when I’m in a situation where I don’t think it’s appropriate to speak my views out loud, I will just silently reaffirm what I feel is the truth in my own thought and leave it at that. It’s amazing how many times that quiet affirmation of the truth has even a greater positive effect than if I had spoken out loud.
Thank you Evan – also for the foto which says a lot and expresses much love – I could give the little sweet dog a very big hug!
In response to Bevi’s questions about when to say something to correct a person’s behavior– or beliefs for that matter –I have found in my own striving to be less judgmental that God guides what to say when, if necessary. It’s a natural outcome of knowing only the good in someone. Most of the time, we don’t need to say a thing.
As I’ve prayed about this, knowing God as the only judge and jury, and that Her judgement is based on divine Principle, LOVE (God’s innate being) I’ve discovered that I don’t need to show that I disapprove or don’t condone the behavior, etc. It’s not my place, or my job unless it’s harmful, or of immediate necessity to do something. Then God is there to guide with a lot more wisdom than I possess.
Once on the freeway (interstate) a driver was following dangerously close to my car, and then to others as he wove in and out of traffic. I prayed holding to the safety of all, the inherent protection, including this driver, knowing that in truth he couldn’t be harmful, or out of control. As he sped away out of sight, I fleetingly wondered where all the police were to take care of him! My prayers to see the good also seemed to include a surprising and spontaneous judgement call: I wanted to see the driver punished! Sneaky mortal mind.
It didn’t have anything to do with me, the driver was on his own course of learning life. I increased my prayer to being grateful for knowing God was guiding him to right action as well as keeping other drivers safe, and acting right also. So easy to fall into judgement! Helping God. (ROTFL!)
This is a keeper! Beautiful insight. Brian, Shireen and Suzette I enjoyed your comments in particular.
Thanks, Everyone for your Comments on my question. I am a Teacher and I do think it is appropriate to speak up and stop a child’s words and actions when they are disruptive and need discipline. I don’t think that is “judging”, it’s just using common sense. We don’t just stand by and “know the truth” when we could be taking action to follow up on our good thoughts. Another way to put it is: “Treat and Move Your Feet”!!
Wanted to correct something and also respond to Bevi’s point.
I quoted Science and Health incorrectly. In the trial passage, the Counsel, Christian Science, “regards the prisoner with the utmost tenderness.” The prisoner. Aren’t problems always a case of false imprisonment, imprisoned by evil — that which is unreal, a lie, an illusion?
Utmost tenderness is so effective, so different from annoyance. Being annoyed is a sure sign that we not only believe in the evil, but are duped into believing that it’s attached itself to a child of God — an impossibility.
When he/she seems imprisoned in trouble, a child can FEEL the teacher’s or parent’s utmost tenderness in the rebuke, the utmost care in the thoughts behind whatever words are used–, thoughts like, “This is not you! You are God’s precious child and you know how to do the right thing and not be fooled again” (which wakes him up) “I have no fear that evil can overwhelm you” (which calms him) “I have full faith in your God-given intelligence, integrity and ability to correct yourself” — (which gives him confidence to do just that).