If you think another is losing, you might be wrong

September 17, 2018 | 15 comments

One of the tennis matches I played with my Mixed 40+ team at a Nationals competition last year was against a team that was much stronger than my partner and I. The male player was incredibly talented on court, wielding awesome control over the ball, and never missing a shot. It was humbling to get beat 6-2, 6-1.

As I was on court playing, I thought, “Anyone watching this match would conclude that my partner and I were losing big-time. After all, look at the score!” But I didn’t feel like a loser. I had been recounting all my blessings during that match, and could only come up with reasons to feel like a winner.

Yes, I reasoned, the other team was obliterating us on court, but they were better players. Their demonstrated skill was advanced compared to ours, and it didn’t mean we were bad players to lose to them. It just meant we had lots of room to improve! Rather than get upset or self-critical, I was using the opportunity to learn from them how to be a better player and set myself up to play stronger in the future, which I did. Anyone who thought I felt like a loser because our score was poor, would have been wrong.

The lesson applies to any adversity faced. If we start to feel sorry for a friend struggling with a poor business decision, a child trying to find their way in life, or a neighbor fighting a health ailment, and are tempted to think they are losing out, we could be completely wrong. It might look like they are going backward to the material eye, but in truth, they may be making huge progress in terms of moral and spiritual growth that sets them up for grander success in the future.

I learned valuable lessons during that loss at Nationals that has made me a better tennis player today. What appeared to be a loss then, has turned into gain today.

We should resist temptation to stick a friend or neighbor into a “losing” category just because what we see outwardly doesn’t look good. They may not be losing at all. They may be fighting a mighty battle within to conquer the apparent evil and leave it behind for something better. We can help them by sending supportive thoughts their way that encourage them to see the good they have to be grateful for, and to keeping working for more. They are children of God worthy of God’s good as much as anyone else.

What appears to be a material loss, can be turned into moral and spiritual gain, which in turn, leaves the experience of material loss behind for something better.

15 thoughts on “If you think another is losing, you might be wrong”

  1. Thank you so much, Evan, for this very valuable spiritual lesson!
    It reminds me of the quote from John 7:24. “Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.”

  2. Great message! Very true for self, as well as others – as your example shows. I immediately thought of the hymn/poem by Mary Baker Eddy, “Mother’s Evening Prayer” (“O Gentle Presence”) – third verse:

    O make me glad for every scalding tear,
    For hope deferred, ingratitude, disdain!
    Wait, and love more for every hate, and fear
    No ill,—since God is good, and loss is gain.

    Hymn 207:3
    From Concord Express – A Christian Science Study Resource: The King James Version of the Bible and Mary Baker Eddy’s published writings

  3. Evan, Exactly! I love this post. It is what I am working toward all the time with my athletes in track and field coaching. There is much to learn and is transferable to other areas in our experience. Thank you for this wonderful perspective.

  4. What a wonderful way to follow Jesus’ instruction to “Love our neighbor as oneself” whether that neighbor is in the neighbor hood, at church the office or on the street. And, as one writer indicated, to encourage oneself that the healing is occurring though not apparent.
    Love those tennis analogies!

  5. As we so often say in C.S. jargon…..”Nothing can be Lost in God’s Kingdom”. I think I’m finally understanding what Mary Baker Eddy meant when she said: “……and Loss is Gain.”

  6. “Loss is gain” has been a struggle for me to embrace for years. Your entry today opened up a peephole of possibility of understanding beyond my knee-jerk human response. I see people all around me in my town & in the news suffering, suffering more all the time. I pray for them daily. Perhaps, as a human race, we are all receiving abundant opportunities to grow.

  7. Dear Evan:
    In Shepherd show me how to go, hymn 304, we find these words: :
    So when day grows dark and cold, tear or triumph harms . . . .
    Triumph can harm as much as loss in pulling us away from spiritual growth because it can make us think we did it on our own and /or make us over-confident. Please do a blog on that some time.
    This blog was excellent.

    1. Yes, please, a blog on loss and triumph harming us, by pulling us away from spiritual growth is an excellent suggestion Please do Evan.

      1. oh yes please, dear Evan, I would be very grateful as well for a blog with loving and healing ideas on the topic Chilesands and Sallie are desiring!

        I am very grateful for your so good SpiritView of today teaching us that, as Bevi says, there can be no loss in God’s kingdom. And I think, that it’s not just a jargon in CS, rather that’s divine truth, as God doesn’t know such thing as ,,loss”!

        I always can repeat my gratitude for your so blessing blog, Evan, I learn so much from it!

        1. Yes please, I’d very much appreciate some thoughts on ‘ triumph harms’, but in the meantime, thank you very much Evan for today’s helpful Spiritview subject, and to Sallie for her comments. Ellen referred to hymn 207, and that I find difficult ‘O make me glad…..for hope deferred..’? Surely hope is needed ‘now ‘ in times of trial ? Many thanks and blessings to all today 🙂

  8. Thank you! I love how we can turn what seems a negative time into a great experience by changing our thoughts to what is actually true about each of us as God’s perfect man.

  9. The Bible states “Physician heal thyself.” I had always thought of this as a requirement before attempting to heal someone else. Then somewhere (I don’t recall the details) a practitioner refuted this idea. It was something I thought of when wanting to share an inspiration, but thinking I’m still struggling with a problem who am I to make suggestions to someone else? That practitioner’s clarification freed me to freely share my inspirations that I thought might be helpful to others. I could still be working on my own demonstrations.

  10. Dilys Bell, Thanks so much for your testimony in the September 24th Sentinel, in which you quote a prayer you wrote using the 7 synonyms for God: “I stand on Principle and walk with Love in the footsteps of Truth, directed by Mind, with the grace of Soul and the zest of Life, in the power of the Spirit.” When I saw it I thought the name was familiar but didn’t know from where. It was so inspiring. Now I know!

Leave a comment!

Keep the conversation going! Your email address will not be published.

*