It took me many years to figure this out, but once I did, wow, what a relief! And it’s this: Love people the way they are.
It sounds so simple, and like, duh! But it’s not so simple in every day practice.
For instance, have you ever been upset with another person and wanted to give them a lecture on how they should change? If so, you probably spent time judging them and harboring some resentment and animosity too, rather than loving them. And likely, the human mind was arguing that you could not love them as well as you should, because, after all, they were not acting properly; at least, from your point of view. And your love was likely withheld, at least to a degree.
But there’s a better way! No matter what another person says or doesn’t say, looks like, prefers, doesn’t prefer, acts out, doesn’t act out, no matter his skin color, sexual preference, political views or religious background, you can still love him.
Love doesn’t judge before it loves. It just loves, like the sun shines—unconditionally. It shines its blessings upon one and all.
God is Love, and is the ultimate model to follow when learning how to express love.
Love doesn’t love evil or immorality or cruelty or indifference or apathy or any other character trait of the carnal mind. It doesn’t approve of evil, condone it, or overlook it. It heals it through its power and presence.
Love is the most powerful reformer in the universe. And when you pour it on unconditionally, it will have a far better effect than any harsh judgment or hurtful condemnation you’d like to offer.
The best effect you can have on another is through Love, divine Love, expressed abundantly and unconditionally.
Love can take a bad situation and turn it into a better one.
Love can soften hard hearts, enlighten attitudes, improve behavior, and unite many into one.
The Mind of Love can see past the evil to the good that God put in that person in the first place. Love has a way of bringing that good out.
Love is a wise Mind that figures out how to solve problems.
The less time we spend judging harshly, condemning rashly, or lecturing self-righteously, the more time we have to love and really make a positive difference.
You don’t have to judge your fellowman. Just love him, and let God take care of the rest. It will do both of you good.
Wow! This is an awesome post! I am going to print it out and frame it next to my mirror so that I read it every morning as I am getting ready for the day! Thank you! So many great points in this… But the one that’s going to help me the most in what I am dealing with right now is “Love is a wise Mind that figures out how to solve problems.” A light went on when I read that. Your ideas have given me a lot of HOPE this morning! Thank you SO much!
This makes sense. Thank you❤️
Yes, loving people the way they are is not at all easy. Very often when we love, we expect that our love is not only accepted, but appreciated and reciprocated. And when this does not happen we tend to feel depressed, or criticize and often react or judge. This happens because we EXPECT. But instead of EXPECTING, if we learn and be prepared to ACCEPT people the way they are, we find peace and happiness. The good you do, the love you give, is never in vain or wasted. It will come back a 100 fold, though not necessarily from the person you give. “The good you do and embody, gives you the only power obtainable.”
God should be our role model. As Evan rightly puts in, God’s love is unconditional and is poured forth on the good and the not so good, just as the sun shines on all.
Very often we miss seeing the goodness in everyone and the drawbacks of the person, looms large. We need to give due weightage to the goodness instead of focusing on the drawbacks and complaining. Most importantly if we do some self searching, we realize we too need to improve on many things. Isn’t it?
So best option is instead of complaining, criticising or judging, we need to give all time to loving, cause where love is, God dwells and if He dwells with us, he can take care of all. Love can soften hard hearts, enlighten attitudes, improve behaviour, and unite many into one. What can God not do???
NERGISH really knows what is brought out in today’s blog. You know, a DOG is the best example of LOVE there is. No matter what is done to the dog, it just pours out Love, period! We humans should learn from them instead of treating them just pets. A dog’s sense of Love is what we all have to learn.
my dog DOESNT love me .!! I have had her since five months old, she is now nine years old, and have given her an amazing life with the best food, playtime , positive reinforcement training ,and everything I could think of but she never loved me. She doesn’t greet me when I come to the door unless I call her to me and give her a treat. when I go to pet her and give her love she gets up walks away and goes into another room . The only time she will come to me is if I have a treat. I have trained many dogs, have had many dogs and they all loved me but NOT this one. Has broken my heart into 1 million pieces and yet I won’t give her away. She is Just an aloof independent mostly beagle who just never loved me:):). it has deeply impacted my life and there’s nothing that seems to work to change our relationship. I will never get a beagle again. at my senior age I feel like I’ve wasted so many years having this dog and I gave her the best I can every day even though there’s no bond:(((((
You are doing the right thing. Keep on loving anyway! The reward is in the love you feel when you give love without condition.
Jesus was the most loving person ever, but many people he loved did not love him back. But he kept loving anyway. He loved his way right into the kingdom of heaven!
Love doesn’t judge before it loves, was the sentence that just woke me up! This came just when I was rehearsing what to say to someone. Many times I have heard about loving unconditionally, but your post brings it to light, thanks soooo much.
Love heals, heal with love.
Just perfect!
Thanks so much, Evan.
Love is All in all. Put yourself and everyone in fathomless billows of Infinite LOVE !
The same beautiful truth must apply to gently loving ourselves right where we are too-
We are so loved, loveable, and loving…
What a lovely and inspiring message to start the day. Thanks so much, Evan and thanks to Nergish for your thoughtful comment. I have a friend experiencing some very difficult personal relationships who has asked for my prayers – not treatment. I have shared many inspiring passages from the Bible with her, and this message has given me helpful ideas for my thinking.
Thanks again!
What a Lovely View from Spirit this morning! Some Great Advice on how to View our Presidential Candidates, eh? Hold them in Love, and Let God take care of the rest! Fighting evil with evil only adds fuel to the fire….. I’ve also heard it said, on a little more secular level, that: “Love is letting someone be exactly the way they are….and giving them the space to get better.”!!! Sometimes I use the mantra, “I love you, I bless you, and I release you to God.”! Some people don’t know that Love comes from God and that we wouldn’t even know how to express Love, if we weren’t the evidence of God’s Being!
I had to share this, You express this need so very well for all of us. Thank you Evan.
Well written…..a challenge we all have and must learn….thank you for shining your light.
Thanks so much Bevi for your comment. I really appreciate the ideas on our political scene. I have been praying with the thought that Divine Mind is governing every idea, man and woman – Republican and Democrat, and is in control everywhere, including the Oval Office of the White House. And, He ALWAYS will be!
One of my favorite teachers suggested greeting everyone I meet or think of with “Namaskar” – the Divine in me salutes the Divine in you. When I remember to do this silently or out loud it always shifts me into a much better “place”! Emerson’s definition of prayer has also been a practical help – the contemplation of the facts of Life from the highest point of view.
Thank you Evan. I’ve often struggled with the idea of unconditional love. For example, if someone in my experience is being abusive to me, or I’m on a team at work and somebody is doing things detrimental to the team’s success, it never seemed practical to me to just love those people and allow the problem to continue.
But in thinking about the ideas in your blog today, two things came to mind:
1) If I came into contact with someone that was under the influence of a mind alerting drug that caused them to be violent, I would take that into consideration in my dealings with that person. Similarly, it occurred to me that I can be wise in detecting when another person may be under the influence of one or more negative mental suggestions and take that into consideration. In both of these cases I can still love the person, while at the same time praying to realize the “influence” they are under is not caused by God and therefore is no part of them. But at the same time, without being hypocritical, I can take appropriate action to protect myself from the consequences of the influence they are operating under. That protection may come in the form of distancing myself from them, or if I detect they would be receptive, offering ideas to help free them from the negative influence they are under. In my opinion, Mrs. Eddy in the church manual (Article X1, sect. 2) lays out a “process” for dealing with situations like this by stating a) first use Matt 18:15-17, then b) give the person an opportunity to change, and then c) if the person doesn’t choose to change, separate yourself from that person. She doesn’t seem to advocate just loving the person while allowing yourself to be affected by their negative behavior over and over.
2) The third paragraph in your blog on wanting to “lecture” somebody I first read to mean “never express to someone that they have a problem and need to change”. But then I saw that paragraph in a different light. I realized that if I’m truly loving someone in my thinking, and if I feel it is necessary to speak to them regarding bad behavior, the ideas I share with them will be expressed in a loving way, versus a “lecture”, and therefore that person will be more receptive than if I said the same things in an angry or judgmental way. As parents, or supervisors in a work environment, it is often necessary to help people correct wrong behavior. If that is done in a loving way, I believe it will be so much more effective than if done out of anger or frustration. Keeping love in thought is reflected by love in action.
Thanks again for such a thought provoking blog!
Great thoughts Brian. Thanks for sharing.
Woops…I meant “mind altering drug” not “mind alerting drug”. 🙂
Thanks Evan for the inspiration and thanks Brian for your guiding ideas on practical way to watch and act on a loving way! Very important and uplifting comments.
Love conquers all, just do it.
Thank you Evan.
This helps me lots. I don’t have to offer a single truth. Love is in control. Love is powerful.
I agree with your article, Evan, in that you present no “back-up-plan” to fall back on in case Infinite Love appears to be taking a holiday and does not promptly change the situation. It’s best to hold our ground anyway knowing that “perfect love never faileth.” Never!
After all … maybe it will prove to be ourselves that will need to change first. God’s Love, as we all know, is wonderful and is eternal.
Thanks for this post, and all the comments!
I’d also refer people to Mary Baker Eddy’s article “Taking Offense,” in Miscellaneous Writings, p. 223.
I’ve been working recently to know that, in cases of someone else’s bad behavior, I can trust God to rectify the situation; I do not need to do anything. If I’m led by God to do or say something, and I’m sure it’s not just ego telling me it’s up to me, I can try to do it in the most loving way possible (which I’ve been learning, often the hard way). It seems that my tendency has been to get frustrated and end up feeling like I HAVE to say something, but I’m working on communicating better, and not reacting negatively no matter what the situation seems to be.
Of course, as Brian mentioned, we each have to protect ourselves too; loving others as they are doesn’t mean letting them hurt ourselves or others. That is not really loving them, either.
Wow, what a great post and what wonderful comments – truly love in action. Thank you all for sharing. I am reminded of the words of #76 in the C. S. Hymnal. The whole thing is good but I especially like lines 5-8:
“Can a mother leave her children?
Can unchanging Love forget?
Though all earthly friends betray thee,
Lo, His arm enfolds thee yet.”
Each of us is held in the arms of a loving father-mother God; and so are those we meet!
The impact of Evan’s SpiritView and the many comments is very telling, huh.
To me, it indicates that as much as we love the truth–love our Father-Mother, God–
we sure seem to live on a planet of billions of hue-mans (my spelling, to remind me that
humans are only a concept of the real man of God’s creating), and that the constant
“friction” of this seeming situation is … well, daunting! I try so hard to love my brother
man, beginning with myself!, but find I constantly want to give advice on how to be a
better hue-man! so NOT the way… I can hardly fix myself, let alone others!!
Clearly, the Only Way is to Know The Truth that frees, and that Truth is: “perfect God and perfect man as the basis of thought and demonstration” Mrs. Eddy sure saw this. Thank goodness!!
And thank you, Evan!
Whew!
Absolutely! That is the way that God loves us. This is so helpful, thank you.