Protect your family from feuding

March 25, 2024 | 26 comments

Jesus Christ said, “A family splintered by feuding will fall apart” (Mark 3:25, NLT).

If feuding is a problem in your home, you can help bring harmony to the household by praying for your family’s release from the temptation to feud.

It’s not the natural inclination of a child of God to feud. It’s the natural inclination of a child of God to forgive, to be patient, kind, compassionate, thoughtful, receptive to good ideas, and generous.

Feuding is the rearing up of a belief of many minds, many mortal minds opposed to each other.

But with God, there is one Mind that all children of God have in common. This one Mind is a Mind of Love.

It can help to see that every member of your family reflects the one Mind of Love that is understanding, thoughtful, kind, and considerate.

Prayers to see that everyone in your home can express the one Mind of Love can help everyone live true to their God-given individuality.

Resist the temptation to feud. Love instead. It’s the happier path for everyone.

26 thoughts on “Protect your family from feuding”

  1. I am blessed to have loving, respectful relationships with all my family members but a dear friend is estranged from his precious daughter supposedly due to a difference of opinion during the covid lockdown. I have tried to talk with him about it, to no avail. It seems utterly silly to me but I know that sometimes grudges take on a life of their own. We must remain alert to this! I will use these beautiful ideas today when praying for my friend.

  2. (Please note a typo in the last sentence. I believe the word rest should be resist.) Thank you Evan; I wasn’t even aware of needing this nudge. I’m putting it to work right now.

  3. What an excellent message that pertains to all; our family of the world is in great need of this message, as well as the “smaller” nucleus of our own individual families. Thank you, Evan!

  4. Thank you, Evan, for this timeless message and for the smiling faces of the family
    above – so joyous and sweet! : )
    Ironically last night, I had a dream about a family member who has been estranged
    for years now (despite my gentle attempt to mend the difficult feelings
    on his side). “Love meeting no response, but still remaining love” (- Mrs. Eddy.) The
    dream was absurd and of when we were children and he took down cabinets (?) in
    my room to put up shelves to put on things he wanted to sell ?? , where he could have
    just as easily put them in his own room. Perhaps latent feeling of control issues still
    needs to be healed?
    Also my little dog, who is very smart, seems to want to take paper from the recycle
    basket and chew to pieces when I am not there. He knows it is wrong and acts guilty,
    but insists on doing it anyway. A war of the wills? … stubborn mortal mind?
    This message today helps to see them both as child (and puppy) of God.. “reflecting
    the one Mind of Love that is understanding, thoughtful, kind and considerate” ( – Evan).
    A lovely message of family, including God’s Universal family, where there is no warring
    elements of many minds, but One Mind and Peace.

  5. Right now I need to pray for one Mind of Love that will help my family understand that there can be multiple points of view of how to deal with chronic misbehavior in one of our members. Thank you Evan for highlighting this topic which is all too prevalent in today’s culture.

  6. Thanks Evan for this post today. Sometimes it is a challenge to put to “Rest” a “tit for tat conversation in a family and see that harmony is the way forward. Hurt feelings and those that we feel we are justified to hold indeed need to be put to rest where they will not afflict again. Somewhere in Mrs. Eddy’s writing I found the statement that “Revenge is inadmissible” and when we continue to banter back and forth we are not putting to rest the self-justification our words seem to deliver, which we hope will change another’s view. In the fly leaf of one of my copies of Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy, is the following statement:: “Humility is the door, honesty the way, and spirituality the summit.” It was written by my grandmother, many years ago as the Science and Health copy I am referring to was given to my dad when he was a young fellow. So we need to put to Rest, the banter and just love each family member as our Master taught us to do.
    Blessings to all.

  7. This belief of many separate “minds,” that are often at odds with each other, is so prevalent. It is seen as a given and not really examined. We are taught it from the time we are young children. I’ve heard of this expression called ‘educated belief,” I think it means indoctrination. That’s all this idea of separate mortal minds is, an educated belief. But it is a denial of One God, One Mind and leads to every woe, both individual and in the world. Most people, even many believers, seem to accept it blindly, even though the Bible says, “Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One.” (Deut 6:4) and the first commandment is “Thou shalt have no other God’s (other minds) before me.”

    As Evan says, the One and only Mind, that we ALL share, is a Mind of LOVE. Wow, if we could all just pause and really take that in, what a great treatment. Thank you!!

    1. I agree, dear Rose. There are some who wish to break apart the system of Love
      by belittling others and trying to make a “god” of other than the One God/Mind
      of us All.. i.e. trying to minimize the importance of how God has created us in
      Genesis One. I agree with you that this idea of separate mortal minds does lead
      to woes, mortally, both individual and collectively in the world. We need to
      awake from these temptations to see everyone as God has made them/us, in the
      image and likeness of One Mind, supreme, but yet individuals, in uniqueness.

  8. There are real benefits from releasing our family members from negative views we may be carrying around about them. This I see as my job, something I can do to bring me peace and freedom. I believe it opens the way for them to feel loved and freer too. God loves us all equally, not one more than another.

    1. Thank you for the gracious thoughts and solutions to a conundrum brought to light here. Both our children were adopted and lived in a group home awaiting the process of leaving their familiar surroundings, but one, my son, was abandoned to this group home at 18 months, for which he suffered mightily. His sister over a year older, worked very very hard during their time awaiting adoption, to soothe him, watch over him, calm him, keep him safe and grow with him. The fall out from all that has lingered, long, and makes a hard spot between them, even now. Their first 20 years were spent devoting all of our time as a family looking for ways to overcome their life at the group home, The path is steep, and the rewards are amazing, and we’ve not ended yet. Love, LoVE, LOVE is the ROYAL way.

  9. This is lovely. I’m also seeing that there is no feuding in my community family ,my church family my world family, It is wonderful to realize that each family member “reflects the one Mind of Love that is understanding, thoughtful, kind, and considerate.”

  10. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood is one of the 7 habits Steven Covey taught. It’s a loving way of helping to meet human needs. People want to be understood more than being right he said. Mrs. Eddy writes about patient encouragement and listening to another’s fears in healing. She mentions tender solicitude for another’s happiness in marriage. Being listened to and understood is comforting and healing. I’ve found reflective listening where you say back what folks tell you helpful in situations. Reflective listening helps them and you realize what they really want – it’s the true desire behind their words they want to discern. And desire is prayer says Mrs. Eddy. For example, my son wanted to drop out of NYU Stern business school junior year. My first thought was something like: are you crazy? Do you realize what an opportunity to attend this school is? Instead I listened and repeated back what he said. So, you think you want to leave school? Yes, he said, he wasn’t doing as well as he did in high school when there was a quiz and he learned what he didn’t know so he could learn it for the test and ace it. There aren’t quizzes at his college. So, you feel you did better in high school than college? Yes, and he really liked the internship he just had working for a financial firm. So, you like to work and learn by doing? Yes, he wanted to go to work. So, would he like to go to work now I asked and maybe take a year off and work or just go to work indefinitely? He thought about that. I told him the good news is there were only 4 years of college and 40 years of work so he was blessed he preferred work over school. He considered – he decided he’d rather get the degree and then go to work. By listening respectfully and caring enough to reflect back what he said he realized what he really wanted and why. He graduated and is president of a small educational software company in NYC. By being first to understand and not expressing an opinion or judgment it’s a sign of deep respect and solicitude. Being listened to and understood is a true gift we give each other. It shows we care more than we want our way.

    1. Hi Lindajane. I’m familiar with this technique of reflecting back to someone what you think they are saying. It’s a form of kindness, respect, love and allowing someone to be truly heard. These are spiritual qualities we are expressing when we communicate this way.

      I must admit I haven’t used this form of communication in a while, thank you very much for the reminder. As soon as I read your post I immediately had an opportunity to put it in to practice with my husband. We were having a disagreement about something that has come up from time to time over the years regarding our daughter. My initial response was to get a little loud and try to convince him why he was wrong (this is never a good idea, but off I went). After reading your post I calmed down and got him to talk about it and I was just reflecting and reflecting back what I heard. He calmed down and I actually felt wonderful communicating that way, letting him be and listening to why he felt as he did and what his actual fears and concerns were about this issue. I experienced a lot of humility in letting go of trying to be right, and just be compassionate. Now I have to pray to see myself, him and the situation all in the care of our dear God and to realize we can only be guided by and express the one divine Mind who only knows right outcomes.

      1. Hi Rose,
        So glad it was helpful today. I almost didn’t send it because I thought it was too businessy perhaps. It’s fun to think about the spiritual law behind an effective action or business/personal principle to realize why something is so powerful – it is supported by divine law.I had an little dust up with my husband BEFORE I read Spiritview. Lol. I came upon Mrs. Eddy writing about the most tender solicitude for our marriage partner’s happiness and realized could do more of that and the reflective listening. It was a disagreement of whether he had shown me a photo of an interior of a rental property we have. So, the solution could cost $3000 or $30,000 in analyzing the issue and a solution. I attended a coaching seminar in Santa Barbara at the Hudson Institute and did an exercise in reflecting listening. We had partners, and could only do reflective listening for 20 minutes as they presented a problem they were having – no advice. My partner had a business and needed more time off than her male partners for family issues. As a former Principal, I would have advised getting a full-time substitute or hiring from a substitue service. She probably would have rejected that if I’d told her that might be a good option. But during the 20 minutes just reflecting back her thoughts, she considered every other avenue, and realized that she was going to approach her colleagues about hiring another individual who could sub for them. Mrs. Eddy says something about reason being a helpful faculty. The time for thinkers has come. What’s the desire behind the desire? The seed is within itself. As people see what they really want, they often see some paths they can try and get unstuck. And we know Mind is guiding with all right desires. Your previous post reminded me that anything Jesus said usually has metaphysical backing so the Golden Rule is not only doing for others as we’d like done for us, but seeing their spiritual identity as we’d like others to see us as the image of God. So that was helpful, too. Thanks for writing!

        1. Yes thanks Lindajane for your further comments. I also at first thought it was kind of business-y or more about worldly personal development when you mentioned Steven Covey and his 7 Attitudes of Highly Effective People. But there are powerful spiritual principles operating in some of the things he said, so I am glad you brought it up and we could dig beneath the surface to understand this better, especially the qualities of compassion and humanity expressed in the Reflective Listening.

        2. Thank you for this idea of not jumping on a person and trying to get them to see your point of view willfully. When Jesus appeared to two of his followers on the road to Emmaus after his resurrection he asked them why they were sad. He already knew why, but he let them explain themselves, which they did at length.. He asked so they could voice what they were feeling, and also so they would feel his concern—and feel he DID understand. He listened to them. When you are sure someone understands your predicament, then you feel less afraid and you can take what they say more seriously. He then proceeded to teach them from the scripture why the crucifixion had taken place and what that would mean for humanity. The result was a 180 degree change in their travel direction and also the direction of their thought.

    2. Your answer today was LOVELY, you sure opened the door to healing of our situation here. Your thoughts are gracioiusly and thoroughly healing so I’ll apply them to our situation here. THANK YOU! Lindajane

  11. What a beautiful idea of seeing every family member reflecting one Mind of Love. Thanks Evan for this sharing

  12. First I thought, well in my family still living here on earth it’s alright there. But when I read Evan’s SpiritView and all the lovely comments, I know I am desiring to pray for my dear family and that there is One wonderful God who governs a l l, also my church family!♡

    Thank you very very much, dear Evan, that you let me ponder this topic!♡

  13. Thank you very much dear “J”. It’s a very comforting article for me. You also can just listen to it. Not personel willfulness but God’s, divine Mind’s will be done, then everything turns out totally harmonious!♡

  14. A little late with my comments, but all of the contributions were great and mostly helpful. My situation and “opportunities” are with a husband who loves me very much, but is over age 90 and “slipping” into senility and has always had a quick temper, He is also quite depressed because he can physically do so little anymore – when he was “the guy who fixed everything” around the house. Active listening never worked in our situation because my husband gets extremely angry if I ask him to repeat what I said, and very resentful if I repeat what he said.

    I was almost at wits end. Last week we had a super bad day – one of the worst, and I prayed for guidance. Yes, I actually did give it to God!

    That evening we had a loving talk about his mental state and the fact that he does not have to go downhill that way. We talked about not being able to do as much physically as we could decades ago, and that even Mrs. Eddy paced herself properly as she advanced in years. I reminded him that he is greatly loved – not just by me, but most of all by God. He said he would try to be better and I told him that trying doesn’t work. OK, he said I will do better!

    Today we had the beginning of another donnybrook, but I kept my voice calm and loving and he was able to back off of his tantrum. All is not going to be a bed of roses now, but with God’s “daily bread” sustaining us, I know it will be much better.

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