I was playing a men’s doubles tennis match with a partner who was assigned to me by the administrator of a league I was playing in. Our first set played together was a mini disaster. We lost 1-6.
From my point of view, he made a lot of mistakes! “How could he do that!” I would silently protest when he missed a ball that I thought was easy to get.
Of course, I made my share of mistakes too, but as the set proceeded, and I didn’t want to see a repeat of the first set in the second set, I prayed for a better insight that may contribute to a turnaround.
The first error I noticed was placing blame. I was blaming the loss on his large number of mistakes. “That’s not fair,” I knew. He was doing the best he knew, just like I was. From his point of view, he may be playing great. I needed to appreciate who he was for what he was. Instead of placing blame, I needed to focus on all the strengths he was demonstrating on court. And even more, I needed to praise those strengths!
I decided to replace blaming with praising.
I quickly made a mental list of his strengths. It was easy to do. He had many wonderful qualities and talents. And I started praising them. Mentally, and verbally.
The difference in outcome was monumental. We started winning games. We lost the second set 5-6, but it was a very competitive set and was fun to play. The other team congratulated us on our “turn around,” and my partner and I walked off court happy with our play together.
The moral lesson was clear. Spending your time placing blame and focusing on faults helps no one and hurts everyone. Spending your time looking for the good and praising it, overcomes faults and helps everyone.
Place praise rather than blame! Everyone is better off.
Thanks! Great guidance for this and everyday!
Thanks, Evan. This is so true and I think it is important for me to do this for myself and reverse an often self-critical stream of thought to a more loving one.
That’s a good point , peg . We can so easily let thought become demoralised by falling into the trap of “ personalising “ errors of our own ( seeming ) making .
Wonderful “turn around” in thought and deed, leading to a great outcome. What excellent guidance that we can really learn from. Thank you, Evan.
A huge thank you, Evan! I just read your message, and it perfectly addresses the situation I’m facing at work. A client just sent me an unpleasant email. What should I do? My inner voice will be inclined to blame, but your message encourages me to be full of love and kindness. I’m going back to work in 15 minutes and will take the opportunity to send this client a fair and thoughtful email, offering concrete solutions.
What a joy it is to read your wonderful inspirations every day; they are a blessing for everyone. Thank you again, Evan. And thank you all for your wonderful sharing, your articles, and your reflections that show us how to move forward with love and kindness. Thank you all.
Such an important reminder! Thank you. ❣️
JUST GREAT!! Thank you, Evan!!
LOVE IS reflected in LOVE. (tennis pun intended. LOL) I don’t know much
(anything, really), about tennis, but do know that Love is a part of it. This was
demonstrated so beautifully in the inspiring message above. Thank You,
Evan and All.
Praise works. Not false praise which is error in all caps. It works in any kind of interaction and is very important with children and pets. Remember that old saying “if you can’t say something nice, say nothing at all.”. In Evan’s example God’s guidance for your thoughts is the best help with can get to help you. Thank you for the reminder this day!