Are you easily offended? If so, you can make a choice to not be.
This proposition may sound implausible at first. I mean really, if someone lies to your face, purposely strives to get you upset through critical remarks aimed at your character, or commits an atrocious moral offense, it seems reasonable, and may even feel required, to get offended. But in truth, it is not. You don’t have to lose your mental poise and grace to respond in a way that brings justice and rectification to the situation. You can respond with spiritual authority and moral imperative, rather than with heated anger and seething resentment.
We don’t ever have to accede our mind to out-of-control negative human emotions. That’s weakness! We can exercise our God-given dominion to think clearly, reason intelligently, act sanely, and prepare a come-back to injustice that brings healing to the situation rather than contributes to heightened strife and conflict.
It’s pride and human ego that get offended, and these are enemies to spiritual success and progress. They would get in the way of the divine Ego being expressed through us to good effect.
It is incredibly freeing to know you don’t have to be offended every time someone acts out error in front of you. You can choose to not be offended. You can choose to respond with Truth and Love that helps the situation improve rather than further degenerate.
Be wise, and don’t add fuel to the emotional fires mortal mind would create. Douse those flames of the heated human mind with the kind of spiritual humility and love that allows the one Mind to take over and bring about a healing effect.
Choose to not be offended. Choose to love instead.
There is immense wisdom in the old proverb, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty….”
“To punish ourselves for others’ faults, is superlative folly. The mental arrow shot from another’s bow is practically harmless, unless our own thought barbs it. It is our pride that makes another’s criticism rankle, our self-will that makes another’s deed offensive, our egotism that feels hurt by another’s self-assertion. Well may we feel wounded by our own faults; but we can hardly afford to be miserable for the faults of others” Mary Baker Eddy, Miscellaneous Writings, p. 223.
“Nothing short of our own errors should offend us” Misc. Writings, p. 224.
I find myself up early for the very reason you write about today Evan. To look at your blog upon awakening is so often exactly what I need. Having been offended yesterday and feeling a little unsettled all day, it was still on “my” mind going to sleep last night. Allowing the one mind to take over immediately would have been a better way to “douse the flames”.
My gratitude for Christian Science, Mary Baker Eddy, you Evan, a practioner who is so loving and helpful to me when I reach out to him, Christ Jesus, and everyone who understands and practices reflecting Divine Love.
I want to continue to grow in this gift of understanding and pray that I will. Knowing the one mind is always present is what is true.
Thank you!
Susan
Oh yes! Wonderful! Thanks!
I’ve just been working on this too. Recently I’ve been stressed and not feeling well, and ended up getting really frustrated and angry over a lot of little things. I felt irritated and criticized. Then I felt like I was alienating friends by saying things without thinking.
I finally reached a turning point on my way to church Wednesday. I thought, do I want to let anger control me? Do I want to give it the power to drive a wedge between me and my friends? Of course not! All I had to do was take a stand, and not give in to the temptation to take offense. That broke the mesmerism, and I’ve been able to move forward.
I’ll add, I’ve worked on overcoming anger, frustration, and resentment issues off and on for a long time, and a big turning point for me was to realize there was something about getting mad that I enjoyed. That surge of energy, the release of tension, the self-righteous justification – fortunately, working to address things using CS on a daily basis rather than allowing them to fester has helped me see that as a false temptation. Letting go of things, rather than holding on to them, has made me a much healthier and happier person!
Your blog answered every single ‘excuse’ I had to ‘react’ to offensive behavior…. and specifically addressed the ‘choice’ I have! The citations you made from our Leader’s writings as well as the quote from the ‘old proverb’ hit the nail on the head…..and I am so very appreciative for all that you said Evan!
Gratefully,
MarySue Harris
Perfect! We can be the “change agent” in all of our contacts with others if we keep human emotion out of the way and reflect God’s wisdom and love. Thanks so much
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Thanks, Evan. Very important.
Psalm 119: 165 –“Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.” Jesus said that one of those laws is to love our enemies, bless them, do good for them, pray for them. You can’t love and be offended at the same time. I’ve struggled so much when I felt someone has hurt me, but I’m beginning to stop feeling sorry for myself. I mean, who can hurt an idea of God? Ever? And both me and that someone else is an idea of God, completely loved by God.
Once a neighbor, not ever intending to sell her apartment, felt that my husband was taking her money away when he was working to convert our co-op apartment building into condominiums to increase their value. She took every opportunity to curse me and our little children. I told them what Jesus said and that we must love her and find some way to bless her. One day we heard sobs from her apartment. We ran up to find that her beloved cat had escaped from the vet’s office into the city streets. She didn’t know what to do. I drew a picture of her cat and together we made signs and posted them all over the neighborhood. We prayed to know that God was protecting that cat and guiding him home. She called us with joy to let us know he was found. Before we moved a year or two later she came down with gifts for our children. Weeping, she said we were the best neighbors she’d ever had, and was very sad to see us go.
Thanks so much Evan, your inspirations always come as healing answers to the very problems we face. Taking offense, reacting with anger, nursing hurt feelings, self righteousness, self love, self will, being judgmental takes us away from God, good. If we keep nursing hurt feelings and anger in our thought, then this manifests on the body. That’s the time we need to wash our thoughts clean and pure, by removing all that irritation, anger, resentment and short temper.
I did suffer from a very bad allergy on my feet – irritable, scratchy, all red and swollen up. I needed to examine my thought and when I did, I found there was a lot of irritation, anger, hurt feelings. Error is very subtle and it makes home in our thoughts without our knowledge, So we need to be very vigilant all the time and allow only good, only love, only forgiveness, patience, compassion, understanding to occupy our thoughts. During our daily prayers we need to examine our thoughts on a daily basis. Healing is on its heels when thought is purified.
Thanks for daily blessing us dear Evan. God bless.
I could have used this post years ago, Evan. There are so many excellent ideas that you express in you post I just feel gratitude for this spiritual bounty.
Reading your blog Evan, and the responses brings so much joy to my heart.
Here we have a community of people striving to always do the highest good.
The humorous paradox of Christian Science study and practice is that we all work and study
with such fervor to change our experience of reality to reflect Divine Mind, Love and Principle
only to discover, after the cascading effect of inspired revelation brought on by our efforts, that
our True nature is really the easiest thing to express. Who and what we truly are is ever radiating Love, which will always express harmony and and good will and is as easy as breathing. The practice of Christian Science is therefore joyous, effortless. What effort does God expend to sustain His creation? My thinking says no effort for He is Who is Most Himself, I Am.
Love and blessings to us all……
Just Wonderful! Thanks, Evan! “We are asked to forgive those who have injured us. Unless we have first judged and condemned them for what they did, there would be no reason for us to forgive them. Rather we would have to forgive ourselves for judging. The Scripture says: ‘Judge not that ye be not judged.’ If we do judge – no matter how great the injury or how premeditated – we are at fault. So….we see we can forgive only ourselves.” Anonymous.
As I start to reply to this important blog this morning, I look up and see that a family member has once again left the computer camera lens uncovered. Recent news items have indicated that doing that can be unsafe, and so I felt momentarily offended/irritated again. But then I realized I had just been given the tools to stop those habitual irritated feelings. I can use the opportunity to pray about safety for all, and better understand the presence of Mind, governing all action.
Thanks, dear blog family, for furthering spiritual progress and reflecting Love.
I am responding to diane allison’s beautiful explanation of how her neighbor was transformed by the love expressed by Diane’s family, reminded me of a thought I’ve carried with me everywhere: “sometimes when a door closes, God opens a window”. Thank you Diane and Evan for this meaningful thought provoking lesson to not take offense. It has blessed me today.
I’d like first to respond to Barbara with a tip I received from my grandson. It’s not sufficient to cover the webcam with tape which is translucent. He suggested masking tape or post it notes.
Now to the subject at hand, thanks so much Evan and those who have commented for the inspirations expressed. I have often referred to the article “Taking Offense” by Mary Baker Eddy in Miscellaneous Writings page 223, for guidance when tempted to become offended.
Thanks to all for your helpful words. I used to be very shy and would become hurt easily. When I was an adult this lessened, but at one time I seemed to be with someone who was very dominant, authoritative, and controlling. I finally went to a practitioner friend and spilled out my woes, especially about being constantly told what to do and how to do everything. She very lovingly told me, “Dear, remember that a gentle answer turneth away wrath.” (Prov 15:1 -“‘A soft answer…”) She told me not to react, but to turn away and let God direct my thoughts and words. The next time something happened I did that, and my feeling when I responded with loving words instead of with hurt and anger was such a feeling of dominion. It has been a major step stone for me.
Another friend told me when she would get hurt, she would think of Mrs. Eddy’s words about handling accidents on p. 397: 12-21, and declare for herself “I am not hurt,” and as MBE said “to know the reason why.”
Letting go of the memories of bad experiences seems to be difficult sometimes. Mortal mind wants these memories to seem very real, and to hold them as such makes us still slaves to them, and can cause us anguish. But, again, as I’ve been told since I was a child, “If it wasn’t good, it never happened.” God can produce nothing but good, and He is All.
Oh, how this has helped me with a situation that happened just today, at noon. I have been quietly seething over it, chewing over error’s regurgitating of “she said” about an individual , but I (the big I) said nothing; yet, afterward, wishing I had responded in kind!
Now, I know Divine Love was in control. Now I can quietly sit back, re-read Evan’s message and know why I did not respond in an ugly manner. I can now say “thank you, God” that you helped me hold my tongue and tonight, I can kick back, love this person with God’s love, pray that God is in control and under His dominion only LOVE, LOVE can flourish. What a lesson for me. Oh, my! Peace!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you Evan! You truly are so wonderful at expressing Love! Sometimes people are just trying to understand and may feel lost or confused about things. Being kind and honest with a touch of humor and not judging gives peace to most situations.