I didn’t get something I wanted and felt sorry for myself a few days back.
It’s usually very easy for me to drop these things, but this time it wasn’t.
Lingering questions of, “Maybe this person doesn’t like me anymore? I’ve been black-balled! I must have offended someone…” and so on kept grinding through my consciousness.
Reaching out to Christ for peace of mind and praying to halt the childish ruminating, I suddenly was jolted alert with what seemed like a decree from on High of, “Well, Evan, it you didn’t have your heart set on a particular material outcome, you wouldn’t be grousing around disappointed now that it didn’t happen!”
It felt like a swift slap to the face. But it was needed. Self-pity and woe-me commiserating is moral and spiritual weakness. Its selfishness let loose.
So I pondered the message—deeply.
And in thinking it through, I queried, “Wouldn’t life be so much easier if I never had any material wants, if I never thought in terms of what I wanted or desired, but always in terms of where God was taking me?”
Whoa! This was like chains and shackles let loose.
To get what I’m talking about, let me ask you, “How much time do you spend wanting things? How much time do you spend seeking what you want? And oftentimes to no avail? It could be for a certain income, position, respect from others, recognition, relationship and so on. How much time do you spend upset over not getting something you wanted?”
If you honestly added up all the time the above questions might tally, it might be a whole huge portion of your life! And that amounts to a whole lot of wasted time.
As I’ve progressed spiritually over the years, I’ve sacrificed major wants that I thought were impossible to let go of at the time. But afterward found huge freedom that I didn’t know was possible. Sacrificing a secure job and salary to enter the full-time healing ministry was one of them. One of the wisest decisions I ever made.
I’ve tasted the joy of living a want-free life. It is very freeing, liberated, buoyant and healthy. It’s easy to get inspired and stay inspired when not burdened by personal wants and selfish desires.
As I prayed, I began to understand the message better in terms of: “Let go of your personal wants. Don’t live for selfish purposes. Don’t think about what you want. Focus on where God is taking you. It’s always a better place than you could plan or figure out on your own.”
Finally, remorse over the loss I thought I had experienced totally lifted. It vanished. I learned my lesson and was truly happy.
Interestingly, much later in the day, the opportunity I thought I had been excluded from came my way anyway. It was simply a notice sent off late. I read the email and said, “See Evan! Never doubt. God is always taking care of you better than you could ever figure out on your own.”
Oh man, God is so good. But I have so much to learn…
I’m going to keep working on living a want-free life. I have a lot of progress to make, I expect. But the question, “Where is God taking me?” feels so much better than “What do I want?” It never sets you up for disappointment.